Here I am again. It's been 3 1/2 months since my hubby passed. I'm feeling I can't find me, will I ever find me? Will I be me again? Things I liked to do seem void to me. Feelings I had, contentment, joy are void. My spirit is void. My faith is void. Being with family and friends is void. I'm just existing. Sometimes I don't even have patience for my kitty when he needs me. My family are trying to hold me up and I appreciate that, but I feel like an empty shell. I know you will tell me it will get better in time and I certainly hope so. I just have to vent on this forum because you are the only ones who can relate. I don't share all with my family, it seems to personal. Thank you for reading this, Karen
I feel for you Karen. Because you already said "I know you will tell me it will get better. . ." I won't say that. It's 10 months for me and all I can say is it changes. I understand totally what you're saying about" you can't find you". I was with my husband for 30 years, we were 25 when we met. My whole adult life was with this one man, planning a life, building a life. And now he's gone, we weren't finished, where did he go? Why did he leave? These are all questions I ask almost every day. I still don't have answers. But I am learning to figure out who I am with him on the other side. I have realized all the things I loved to do with him are still things I love to do. But there are some things I cannot do that we did together where the memory is just too raw and painful still. That empty feeling is normal, we've all felt that and still do. You've lost your person, how could you not feel empty. At 3 1/2 months I think I was still in shock, everything was still foggy. The only advise I can give is just take each day, each hour as it comes, watch the birds, watch your kitty, know that she needs you and find the joy in her purrs. Above and beyond anything else, take care of yourself, give yourself this time for grieving, this is hard, really hard what we've all gone through. You will get to 6 months, then 10, then more. It just happens one day, one hour at a time.
Thank you Dee Kav. It just seems so far to get to the place that feels me. I'm what they say, in the Zombie grief. The place we don't want to be forever. My daughter wants me to move to another state with her. My sister wants me to move closer to her and her husband. I don't know who to choose. I know I can't live alone since I'm in my 70's. I really appreciate your support, I really do, thank you Dee.
It's been a little over a year, I've been finding me more often now. It's a process and instead of forcing it I'm now letting things take course. Yes, as you said it will get better in time. You'll know soon who to chose as the storm clouds lift, if you can give yourself a little time for things to settle down that will help.
I am numb tonight. And exhausted. And beyond sad. Later I will get in bed for the second night without my wife. Not looking forward to that. I feel your pain. I feel your pain.
SouthernMan what is your story, do you want to share? Or have I missed it. I know how you feel, second night without your wife. I do feel for you.
