*DAYTIME AND EVENING GENERAL GRIEF GROUPS AVAILABLE EVERY WEEK* CLICK HERE TO JOIN US!

Husband Completed Me

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by SusanMc8, May 24, 2021.

  1. SusanMc8

    SusanMc8 Well-Known Member

    My husband of 56 years died four months ago and I am grieving terribly. I have found myself getting anxious and upset about little things lately and I think I have figured out why. He was my best friend for all of those years and we grew up together. When I was upset about something I would talk to him and he would reassure me and make me realize that it wasn’t that bad - he was my buffer - I think we completed each other in so many ways and I’m really feeling his loss not just as my husband but as my best friend. Can anyone else relate to this?
     
  2. Roxi

    Roxi Member

    Susan i understand...i'm missing my supportive tender love...he was so good at reassuring me than now it's hard for me face every problems without him! Not even a good friend can do what our loved one did..! We have to rely on ourselves now...it's hard but little by little we can do it!
    I am sorry for your loss...life is so cruel...you will learn how to cope with this unbearable pain!
    Hold on...it will be better! Hugs Roxi
     
  3. nikkichai

    nikkichai New Member

    I totally understand. My husband was my everything. He passed suddenly 2 months ago and I had no idea what to do. We had so many plans, we depended on each other so much. Now it’s just me and our 8 year old. I’m in a fog and don’t know how how to get out. I know I still need to be present for our son, and I try my best but sometimes it is really difficult because I miss him so much.
     
  4. I totally understand..my situation it the same
    ...its like i cant live without him i almost feel guilty cause i have too
     
    nikkichai likes this.
  5. Onesimus

    Onesimus Member

    There is a song by Il Divo called "The Man That You Love". It's partly in Spanish but there is a line there that says 'eres tu la mitad que mi a vida completo' meaning you are the half that completes my life. It's a beautiful song, and I would sing it to my queen at times because I loved seeing the pleasure she got from it (not my singing, but the message!) The chorus goes "I only want to be the man to give you everything I can. Every day and every night, love you for all my life. I don't want to change the world. As long as you're my girl, it's more than enough, just to be the man you love." And for me, that's all I wanted/needed in this life. It's difficult, when you have so much love for someone and you pour yourself into them, that when they are gone, the only way that it is spent is through the grieving process. I'm sure you've heard that grief is only love with nowhere to go. So when the grieving process lessens, as it will, does this mean you love them less? I don't think so, but now what to do with that love?
     
    Moonsparrow and LivingWithGrace like this.
  6. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member

    My husband was my best friend too. I felt so safe, secure, just being near him. He understood me better than anyone else in the entire world. He was always able to make me feel better no matter what the circumstances were. I find myself "talking" to him all the time, asking him what I should do in certain situations. I "talk" to him about things that happened during my day, as if he was still here with me. Sometimes, I can "almost" hear him telling me that everything is going to be okay, or commenting on something small that I thought he would find interesting. If I needed to "vent," he was always there to listen to me, not judge me, but just listen. I miss him wrapping his arms around me when I really need a hug. There are no words that can truly express the heartbreak of losing your husband, your partner, your "person." Since his death, I find the world a cold, lonely, and scary place... I wish there was something I could say that would make you feel a bit better, but all I can tell you is that I understand. Sending lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace.
     
  7. Fuspy

    Fuspy New Member

    My husband of one month short of 54 years died 3 years ago, and I totally relate to all you've said. I fell in love with him when I was 15 and he was 17. I remember writing in my diary that I found a safe harbor in his eyes. Even after all this time, I talk to him all the time, asking what to do about this or that, and I swear he answers because all of a sudden I'll know what to do. I have long talks with him. I watch T.V. with him and talk to him just as I would have if he were in the room with me. I even feel we laugh together. I love that my memories of him, of every little thing we did together, of what he would say in different situations are so very vivid, because those memories make me feel so close to him; however, after I have the memory and the smile or the laugh, I break into tears. Feeling so close to him but not having him right beside me continues to be so very painful, yet I never want those memories to fade. When you wrote how you missed having your husband wrap his arms around, I started to cry, because one of the things I miss most is that very thing, having him hold me and make my life feel whole and safe. Of course intellectually I know everyone has to die, that it's the natural way of things, but I can't seem to get over the feeling that it somehow perverse that we aren't together. I want to run after him. The urge is there everyday. I don't mean I'm suicidal; I know I can't just run over to the other side and be with him, yet I feel I don't belong here now. Sometimes I feel I'm fading away, that I don't understand "here" any more. When he died I felt I left the technicolor world and entered into one that was all blacks and grays. Also, ever since he died I feel like I just waiting, not really living. I'm waiting till I can be with him and until then, the world holds little joy for me. I've never known pain as deep as this, and it really never goes away. I even wake up in the middle of the night crying. Before the Pandemic, at least I could take my mind off the pain during the day by going out and about and spending time with my friends and family, but then all of a sudden, I had to stay home alone and the grief grew and grew. It's hard for me not to totally shut down. If it weren't for my 2 grown kids and my wonderful friends who love and worry about me, I think I'd just go to bed and never get up again--just sleep, watch t.v. and read. The fact that I can read is a big step for me. For the first two years I couldn't concentrate enough to read. Mostly I watched T.V., letting myself enter other worlds for an hour or so at a time. I do wish peace for all of us who are suffering such a tremendous loss. My heart goes out to you. Since I've said nothing but negative things, I will say on positive thing. I am very aware of how lucky I was to have such a wonderful man in my life, as well as to have so many loved ones to love, comfort and help me since he's been gone. For all this I am truly grateful. I'm not bad at God or anybody. I just hurt. Love, light and hugs to you all.
     
  8.  
  9. Moonsparrow

    Moonsparrow New Member

    I very much relate to what you all are talking about. I just lost my husband of 22 years, on Aug. 3, 2021. I so get where you say you grew up together. I had known him for thirty years and we had been through the good, the bad, the ugly, and the very best of times. He was everything to me. He was 64 just shy of 65 coming up on his Oct. 16 Birthday. He was/is my world. I get that you get anxious and upset about little things, and that he was your friend and your buffer. My husband was my best friend and buffer too! He had COPD and other health challenges including fractures in his back. I have health issues that include chronic pain and we would often complain and say it is hell getting old. But despite all of the issues, I just knew we would grow old together. Now my life is surreal, as I am sure you can relate to. I am doing all of the same things, in the same house that we lived in for most of our married life, and cannot bear that he is not here to talk to, laugh with, complain to, and live out our lives with. I cry at almost any trigger, and have to navigate the myriad amount of duties that occur when you lose someone, while feeling like I cannot make it without him. I watch tv, and have learned to compartmentalize, the duties that involve finances, closing accounts, death certificates and all the trappings that happen after you lose your loved one, then the navigation of the day to day things, then just shutting my mind down and watching shows, escaping. I appreciate being on this forum and reading your stories and sharing. I am so very so very sorry for all of you who are going through this process. Thank you for letting me share.
     
  10. Moonsparrow

    Moonsparrow New Member


    That is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing!