how to deal with the loss of a parent you weren't close with?

My mom died unexpectedly May 15th. I called her on mothers day but she was having an episode (schizophrenia) and didn't want to talk to me. I had a bad feelings the rest of the day and the next night I got the call she was in ICU. The day after that, I had to made the decision to take her off life support.

My mom and I were close when I was younger but I had to start keeping my distance as I grew older after realizing that having her in my life was too toxic for me. I tried my hardest to get her the help that she needed but there is only so much someone can do and take. She would be mentally abusive when she was off her meds, which was often.

Her death has been very hard and confusing for me emotionally. I was numb for a while and now I am starting to feel the pain, anger, and sadness. She was a sweet and loving woman who unfortunately was taken over by mental illness and its just so unfair.

I guess I'm just wondering if there's anyone else out there that has dealt with the loss of a parent you weren't close with. .

 

I just lost my dad 3 months ago. We had a troubled relationship. He was the type that didn't express his feelings. Growing up we would get into the nastiest fights. When I was a teenager I told him I hated him. He never forgave me for that. I apologized but the damage was done. We tried working on our relationship but we always hit a wall. After that my dad never told me he loved me. I tried proving to him that I did love him but I guess it wasn't enough. On his death bed he asked to talk to me. He told me to take care of my mom and stuff like that. I told him I loved him and he didn't say it back. He knew that was the last time he would ever talk to me. He knew I needed to hear him tell me he loved me. He chose not to say it. That's the one thing I'm having the most difficult time with. Why would he leave this world without telling his only daughter he loved her? I find myself angry with him at times. I'm trying to work past it. I know I will never get what I want. It's too late. He's gone. I feel guilty for being mad at him.