My name is nichole and almost a year ago my bf, My best friend and the love of my life commited suicide. While his mother was in the very next room he shot himself point blank in the head! The last year has been filled with nothing but sadness and guilt, the what ifs that make u crazy!!! U see he was a paranoid schizophrenic and i feel as tho i should have done more to help him, i have my own history with mental illness so i do understand better then most! There hasnt been a day go by that i haven't thought of him and missed him dearly, my daughter was very close to him and loved him very much so i have been trying to help her cope as well over the year. I just need to know how to go on with my life without him in it!
I am so sorry for your loss. Of course there is no good way to lose someone we love, but a loss to suicide leaves more questions, "what if's" and "should's" than anything else. After someone has died, it is often a griever's first instinct to go back and take responsibility for the outcome...all they feel that they could or "should" have done differently. Grief has a way of making us feel suddenly and entirely responsible for another person's life...and I find many grievers fill their every waking thought with regret and guilt. This is not easy to hear, acknowledge, or talk about, I know, but it must be acknowledged that there are certain circumstances where the deceased played their own role in the outcome and the way things turned out. As I write it, I worry about the potential to be misunderstood, so I want to be very clear. While we never want to "blame" anyone, especially after they're gone, why do we find it so much easier to put all of the blame and responsibility on ourselves? In the end, does anyone need to be "blamed" at all? Life is horribly unfair. Terrible things happen to good people. Some get saddled with mental health issues and addictions that can overpower and destroy even the best efforts and intentions. Take some time to consider this. Recognize that as great as the power of love is, it isn't always enough and we can't be in control of the lives of everyone around us, no matter how much we wish we could change the outcome of terrible events. I have an article from our blog that can be of help. I'm glad that you have reached out for support and hope we can be a help. Please take care~ https://www.griefincommon.com/blog/suicide-overdose-5-things-only-survivors-understand/
