How do I move on?

Discussion in 'Dating Again After the Loss of a Spouse/Partner' started by ajones05, Aug 30, 2017.

  1. ajones05

    ajones05 New Member

    I sit here and think about how different my life has become. I look at things so differently now. I use to be able to get through my day not thinking of anything other than what bills had to be paid. I never had to wonder if I was important to anyone or if the person I was with loved me, wanted to be with me or if they would always be there. Then the unthinkable happened and my life was shattered, and I now question everyone and everything. I'm always thinking negatively, wondering if the people in my life are going to stay or leave. I even question if I deserve to be happy. After losing my husband of 16 years, I met an amazing man that cares about me and loves me, and all I can think about is if or when he'll leave me or will I end up losing him the way I lost my husband.
    I love this man very much and my life was starting to look up. I was smiling and laughing again. He made me so happy and I wanted to be with him so much that I moved to a different state with him. A few months after moving into our own place I ended up pregnant with his child. I hadn't been pregnant in 18 years and I was shocked and scared, but that soon turned to joy and excitement. We were so happy together and things were going really well. I actually thought things in my life were getting better. Then a few weeks after finding out I was pregnant, I ended up having a miscarriage and once again I was shattered. The lose of my baby brought back the pain from losing my husband and added more pain and sadness to my heart.
    I don't know how to handle the grief from either lose and I'm starting to push away the only person I have by my side right now. I feel as though I have let him down and I'm always thinking he is going to leave me. I often ask myself why he would want to be with someone who is broken and finds it difficult to be happy. I want to be happy and I want to be with him, so why do I keep doing things that I know will end up pushing him away? How can I get past this? I'm not even sure I know how to be completely happy anymore, and I feel myself spiraling into a deep depression dragging him down with me. I don't want that for him, yet I don't want to lose him either. I don't know what to do anymore or how to move on.
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Thank you for being here and sharing your story. I'm so sorry to hear of your losses and the grief and worry you continue to suffer. I think this is what we don't always realize about loss - how it changes not just the fact that this person is no longer in our life, but the way it changes the trust and faith we have in life itself, and all the people in it. I think unfortunately for most grievers, the ability to move forward doesn't always come naturally. For some a change in perspective and a mindful approach to the day to day can help a bit. More than anything I think open communication with the people in your life is what will make the difference in the long term. Telling them what you fear, how you feel lost, and incapable of happiness at times. Letting them know that of course you want to be happy but right now you just don't know how. And asking for their patience as you try to do this work of moving forward. Hopefully it will help....and I hope you can find some support and comfort here. Please let us know if you have any questions about the site or if we can be of any further help. Take care~
    Austin2 and Linda Gale like this.