does it get any easier? Been two and half months and I still find myself sitting in my chair. Can’t seem to get motivated to do anything. Why bother to clean house. Nobody is going to co e home from work and see it. Why bother to make a meal nobody to share it with. Why change clothes. Nobody is going to notice. I want him back so much it hurts. My sisters are suggesting I sell my house and start fresh. I can’t. It’s our home. It’s where we raised our family. But yet I see him everywhere in the house. Everywhere I look it’s him. How do I go on.
Kriss, it is very hard to go on. I, like you live in our house where everything is her. It’s been over 3 months for me, she passed on April 15th. I have not changed anything yet and probably won’t for a long while. It has also been suggested to to sell the house and start new also but I don’t want to start new, this is our house which she made a home. I definitely understand about not wanting make a meal or clean house and I got stuck there for a while, but I had to get busy to keep my mind occupied and go back to work also so I could try not to sink deeper into grief. It doesn’t go away but trying to stay busy and occupying your mind does start to help a little after a while. I’ve also been going to counseling that also helps some. Baby steps if you can is the only thing besides my faith that has helped me. It still hurts so very much, but my wife and your husband would want us to live. You do what feels right to you and live at your own pace. Baby steps.
I'm actually sitting at my desk at work and I'm having a hard time of it today; my wife is all I can think about. I have emails to go through, parts quotes to do, and a stack of paperwork that needs to be done. I tried to get started on some of it, got a little of it done but I just can't function today, I can't stay focused enough to do logical assessments. I'm fighting back the tears so no one walks in on me. It's one of those days where it hurts just too damn much to try and ignore it. But what am I to do? I pray for strength and peace and I receive it but today it just wasn't enough. I feel like going home but I would do the same if not worse there besides we are already a man down in my department. I will just cry if I need to cry and do as much work as I can. I am the boss so I do have a little leeway but I try to lead by example, so I try to stay strong.
Kriss, it has been 4 months for me. My wife and I would have been married 47 years tomorrow. I miss her every day. I just hope I’m going to make it through the anniversary, I’m thinking about it a lot! I’m sitting on the porch just thinking how much she would like the way the yard looks and the flowers. That’s the only reason I keep them up, is for her. This may change, but right now it gives me purpose to do these things for her. Don’t sell you’re home right now. Someone told me, it doesn’t matter where you go, you’ll carry of the memories with you. As JohnFS said, BABY STEPS
Woodman if I could I would give you what strength I have for your day tomorrow. I wish you peace and nothing but the good memories to keep you through the day.
I understand everything you said. I lost my husband March 23 2019 a day I will never forget. At first I was gonna move start all over this caused so much anxiety then I realized why do I have to move lived in house for over 40 yrs grew up in raised family was married in house both my parents spent there final hours here so many good times but know so lonely how to goon
Rosemary you made the right decision in not moving immediately, I've been told and I do believe it's true to give yourself at least a year before making any big decisions like that. After all it's your family home with a lot of good memories. For you and Kriss too I do understand the loneliness, I have no answer except try to try to get out with friends, family or your church group more on a regular basis.; to get out of the house to take a walk maybe. I lost my wife/life on April 15th and I cry every day, I miss her in everything I do, but she's not coming back and she wouldn't want me to stay in this misery the rest of my life. I know how deep the pain can be and how hard it is just to function, but I force myself to get out with family and friends, I see a grief counselor regularly that helps. I can't say this will work for you or anyone else, we each grieve differently but it is similar in many ways. I don't want to live without her she was my joy and happiness, but I want to be happy again sometime; it will never be the same happiness, but maybe just maybe if I really try hard enough I might smile again with actual joy behind it with Gods help and taking one day at a time.
It’s been 6 months since I lost my husband. We were married 29 years. I am exactly in the same place as all of you still. Every day is a struggle to get through. I hold back the tears at work as much as I can then I go home and cry. I don’t feel like anything means anything anymore. No one truely understands the heart break you feel. It feels like everyone has gone on with their lives and forgot what just happened. He was only 49 when he passed unexpectedly. At first people came over, called and texted now I barely talk to anyone. I am 50 and everyone I know has their own life and family which I understand but i am so lonely without him. I don’t know what to do without him. I feel like I am just existing until we’re together again. I need some encouraging words if you have any.
Anna, I know exactly how you feel as far as the holding back tears while still at work, other's not understanding, the feelings like everyone has gone on with their lives, noone coming around, calling or texting anymore. I didn't think that I would be okay at all once he was gone. I remember sitting there in the hospice center with him & thinking I don't know how I will go on from here. I honestly don't know how I'm doing it. I was so afraid to go back to work afterwards - simply because I thought if anyone asks too many questions I will go completely off "snap" & end up losing my job. But I my 1st day back was not too bad & I feel that my job keeps me from falling too far into depression. I felt super depressed the days after his death & barely left the house. But with my job; it gives me a reason (almost forcing me) to leave the house & also gives me something to do, as well as a reason to be around other people. It hurts deep when you hear people say "my husband...." or "my husband & I....." I don't necessarily get mad; cause I know are just use to talking about their lives & really don't feel as if it hurts you at times. And I honestly feel like my kids & holding on to hopes of a better life someday is what keeps me going each day. My love use to always say "something good is going to come, we just have to be patient" - I'll continue to hold onto that hope till is my time to go.
Thank you. I feel exactly the same. I’m glad I have a job to keep me busy during the day. Everyday when my husband was getting ready for work he would say “ Big Day Today”. I try to remember that everyday. He would say we have to go work so let’s make it a good day. I miss him so much it’s unbearable sometimes. My kids are what keeps me going too. If it weren’t for them I think I would have completely given up. It’s really nice to finally talk with someone who truely understands (unfortunately).
I know. It does feel good to know there is someone out there who understands. We are apart of a club noone ever wants to be apart of, but unfortunately things like this happens. I am constantly thinking "What would he say or do in this situation" - "What decision would he make" I think like that when certain situations come up that I have to decide on. We always made decisions together. I've felt lost a lot of times with decision makings since he's been gone. I don't cry as much anymore - but I do find myself in deep thought here & there. I miss him so much & I feel his death was so premature, but there's nothing I can do to bring him back (I truly would if I could), so I'm just doing the best I can in this situations - until it's my time. I hope you can atleast think back at some good memories & smile from time to time.
