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Homesick

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Mary0128, May 10, 2018.

  1. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Not only do I understand the emotions with the little blue bowl, I also have and love that set. He did the searching and in the end he came through and got the blue bowl. It’s from him! ❤️
     
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  2. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    Bet he did. Similar things happen to me from time to time. I will see something he gave me and I just break down. Interestingly enough, I have started finding dimes since Michael died. Christmas weekend, I was hurting so bad for him, and I was alone. I went for a ride and went window shopping in a little strip mall that was closed. I found four dimes in separate places- so strange that I googled. There are a lot of people who believe this is a sign from a loved one. Sometimes I so desperately need to talk to him, or something is happening that he would Mark alright, and another one turns up. Never happened before. If you think it’s him, it’s him. I miss my guy too. Peace to you.
     
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  3. LivingWithGrace

    LivingWithGrace Active Member

    That's very interesting.
     
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  4. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I find pennies and dimes all the time, I think you’re on to something. I believe they’re from our loved ones. I believe they’re from Ron. . I researched the meaning.

    https://www.ask-angels.com/spiritual-guidance/finding-dimes-pennies-from-heaven/

    If believing it’s from him, feels right, then it’s from him. It can be very comforting. I get many things that there’s no other explanation for.
    .
     
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  5. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    ❤️
     
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  6. LivingWithGrace

    LivingWithGrace Active Member

    I saw a dime at work the other day! I work in a warehouse and I was moving boxes and under the last one under the pallet I saw the light gleaming off of a dime. I was super thrilled, it really elevated my mood. Prior to that I was feeling my husband’s presence with me so the timing was perfect to see the dime. Awesome! ♥️
     
  7. Mary0128

    Mary0128 Well-Known Member

    I woke up at 3 am the other morning and I was having a difficult time getting back to sleep. I just couldn't get comfortable. My thoughts went to Jeff, how I used to be able to place my hand on his shoulder on nights like that and was able to drift back to sleep. (this is where it gets weird) I fell back to sleep and dreamt (it felt so real) that I woke up in my car sitting in the passenger seat. I looked over and Jeff was driving and smiling at me. I felt a sense of peace fall over me, its really hard t explain. It's like all my worries were gone. I asked where are we going and he said look. I looked out the windshield and saw the ocean in front of us but we were above the road, kind of soaring above everything. If you have ever been to the coast of Maine you know how beautiful it is. One of our favorite spots is in Southwest Harbor and that is what I saw out the window. It felt like old times when we would pack a picnic and go on a road trip. When I woke up my heart was so full, I felt more rested then I have in months. I felt a new energy in me.
    I am still homesick but that moment with Jeff in my 'dream' felt a little bit like home.
     
  8. LivingWithGrace

    LivingWithGrace Active Member

    That’s really beautiful. Jeff is leading you to him. ♥️
     
  9. Jstme

    Jstme Guest

     
  10. Jstme

    Jstme Guest

     
  11. Jstme

    Jstme Guest

    My wife passed away suddenly in Aug 2020. she did have lung cancer. I know what your going through, when I would go in a store it felt strange without her, we had 32 years together. The house seems so empty and lonely. I still say her name, tell her morning and good night. I lost a lot of interest when she passed, the day she passed I was holding her at home, all we have left in the end are the memories, so sorry for your loss.
     
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  12. Summerperson

    Summerperson Member

    I think it makes sense.
     
  13. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    Yes, perfect sense. It's been over a year for me and my DVR has so many of his shows on it. All the tulips he planted are starting to pop up, such a reminder of all the beautiful things he did for me.
     
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  14. Mary0128

    Mary0128 Well-Known Member


    I love the little reminders. It’s funny you mentioned the tulips. The snow is just starting to melt here and yesterday I was just out looking for the daffodils he planted for me. They always make me smile.
     
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  15. My wife loved when the kids were young and brought her the first daffodils in Spring. This year, they were able to bring in two little vases full the day before she passed. Although she wasn’t able to talk, she visibly brightened and squeezed their hands. And now, I can’t look at them without sobbing . . Maybe someday, they will make me smile again. Oh, how I miss my angel!
     
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  16. It’s only been two weeks for me, and the pain is so raw, but your relationship with your Jeff so reminds me of my relationship with my angel. Oddly enough, I do find a lot of comfort when others share how my wife, Lisa, made their life better. I’ve always known what a gem I had, but it is nice to be reminded of her effect on others. Because of COVID-19, we did not have a service for her at the time of her passing. But given the progress with the vaccine, We are planning a memorial service July 28th, on what would have been our 42nd anniversary. We plan to honor her legacy of caring for others at the church where she started an endowment fund 30 years ago, so the church would always have funding to help the needy in the community with food and housing. She had a clothes closet above her Hallmark Store for women getting back on their feet so they could get a couple of outfits along with makeup and interview tips, so they could be successful applying for a new job. I am hoping that stories of all the good she did will help heal this chasm in my heart, and will encourage our two kids to follow in her footsteps.
     
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  17. I vividly remember 1/17/19 as the worst day of my life up until then. An “exploratory” surgery confirmed our worst fears, that the pelvic mass that had been there for at least a year, was malignant. And worse yet, it had spread in the retroperitoneal space to involve the aorta, the bladder, the colon, and the right ureter. As I went into the room to tell her, I put on my “doctor face” so I wouldn’t fall apart. She made it easy on me and looked up at me with such empathy for MY pain, and said, “It’s OK. I know it’s not good news.” Surgery was not an option, and we came home with a right urostomy to keep her right kidney functioning. She never healed from that surgery, but developed a wound infection that led to a fistula from the colon to her abdomen. We went to MD Anderson and they confirmed that surgery was not an option. But that trip delayed the start of her chemo by months. She did chemo and tolerated it well until the first of December, when an oncology nurse saved her life by wheeling her to the ER herself as she recognized the s/s of sepsis. After that, she fought for over 15 months, but was never the same she became weak and unsteady. She was so stoic and resolute. She kept getting her hair and nails done through the pandemic until December, when she just couldn’t get out of bed without help. Christmas was the last day she got out of bed, and that was just to have Christmas dinner at the table with the kids. She couldn’t go to her latest (3rd) combination of chemo on December 30, and the next week we called hospice to help keep her “comfortable”. As a physician since 1986, I did all I could to care for her 24/7. And although I am a pain management physician, of course I could not treat her, so thank God for the wonderful hospice doctor who gave us the tools to keep her easy. Fortunately, because of COVID-19, I had transitioned most of my patients to zoom visits. I put procedures on hold or referred them to others, and I was able to care for her. It was so are to we this rock of a woman physically reduced to bed confinement. However, her spirit was not broken. She remained strong mentally to the end.
    I guess the fact that I have been grieving her loss since January 17,2019 should make today a little easier, but that doesn’t quite seem to be the case since I can hardly type this through the tears and sobs. I have gone back and read your posts from the beginning of this thread and see so much of us in your story, like we have been friends for a very long time. I ache for you and all the others I have read about in the past 24 hours, and I just hope and pray it gets better.
     
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  18. Amen! My first public breakdown was in Kroger as I went down the cosmetics isle. I felt like an idiot until I recognized it was a trigger, like almost everything in my life. The food she ate that I didn’t, the gifts she planned to give but were still in the closet, to the books she planned to read, to the music we both loved. She would start to hum”How Great Thou Art”, and I knew she was hurting. She wants it played at her memorial service. I don’t know how I will get through it.
     
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  19. If my wife had known you, she would have been the most supportive long distance friend you could have. She had been prepping me for “early retirement” for a couple of years She would make sure I was aware of men who died right on the cusp of retirement and comment how robbed their wives must feel. Then she would remind me how long she had been waiting to have me all to herself so we could travel and do something besides work. Now I am the one robbed of those golden years. Perhaps I’ll follow in my father’s footsteps and retire when I’m 88.
     
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  20. Mary0128

    Mary0128 Well-Known Member

    Your wife sounds like a wonderful person, I bet we would of hit it off. One of the hardest part of my grief journey is knowing that I will not have Jeff by my side to grow old with. Like you we always wanted to travel but we were always busy with our work and the kids. But we thought we always had time. But time never waits does it.
     
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