Have you done this Before?

Okay, my best friends death was about 14 months ago and I have since pushed many people out of my life. I'ved heard "You have to get over it" "It's not you fault, you shouldn't blame yourself or have guilt." Yes I have survivors guilt because I made it and he didn't. I will never be over this probably for life. I've had to push so many away because no one understands grief until it happens. Does this happen to anyone else? How do you cope with it?

 

Sorry for your loss and the pain it brings. I find that my friends and acquaintances have really been juggled in the 10 months since my husband died. My very best friend, who I mostly did things with, just disappeared. This was so hard to take...she never called or came over..nothing. I reached out once but her response was that she "thought I should give you space". I told her no, that I needed company but still nothing so I have had to let that go. Other acquaintances have turned into true friends. Same with family...2 sisters never call, one brother I was never that close with has stepped up and has been amazing, one brother that I thought I could depend on has refused to help. Strange shuffling!!! What I have done is straight out decided to take love where I find it. I gratefully accept offers from those who step up and let go of those who don't. I got it, after a few months of struggling, that I have zero control over who cares and who does not.

 

I am so sorry for the loss of your best friend. And also for what people have said to you how you’re being treated. But I’m afraid it happens to all of us. I’ve learned who I can depend on and who offer the right words but never come through. One of my brothers was great support when I first lost my husband then just stopped calling or checking on me. I told him that after 44 years I’m not doing better in 3 months, I could your support. He stepped up and has invited me to join him and his wife for outings and get together. And checks on me. My other brother who is a sensitive man, is barely in contact with me. But offered to take me for dinner when I was ready. I told him I’d love, he never invited. I told him I need support and he hasn’t stepped up at all. I’ve lost family and friends since my husbands passing. Take any support offered. This site is one way to cope. Everyone on here knows the pain that happens with such a loss. You’ll receive compassion and understanding from everyone here.
Sadly you’ll learn who your true friends and family are. Let the others go.
Take care.

 

It's a hard thing to have to learn but we all know it well now. People will just go back to their lives within 2 weeks of the death. You can't go back because your life is over and can never be the same again. I lost my sweet wife Peg suddenly to a brain aneurysm 9 months ago. Friends stop coming around because it's uncomfortable. Also I just remind everyone that this could happen to you too at any time. It sucks! I have to start a new identity and new life. Not to mention the loneliness! I wish you peace and hope in dealing with this situation. I'm obviously still a little mad about it. ✌