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Has your faith and prayers diminished?

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by cjpines, Mar 7, 2021.

  1. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    I'm on month 4 since Jack died. We've lived in this house for 10 years. Everything is happening to me with this house that has never happened. Tree limbs down from wind, water leaks, garage door remote not working, my kitty is sick, computer printer down, his garden died and more. I feel like the devil has got a hold on me and everything is sucked out of me mentally. Financially, I've lost my social security and am trying to live on his. Expenses are the same, except food is less. He loved to eat.

    Anyway, I'm just venting here because I've lost faith in prayer. If my kitty's test comes out positive I will loss him. He's why I get up in the morning.

    I've been a christian my whole life. Am I being tested? If so, I don't like it. Going through grief is enough without earthy things stressing you out more. I really just want to run away from it all.

    Thanks for reading from one who doesn't pray anymore.
  2. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    Prayer is a good and real thing. I have used prayer and it has worked for me.I have no doubt that prayer has brought love into my new life. Padre Pio can help you pray. Don't give up on God. She is nothing but love, always.
    MaryKate likes this.
  3. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    It’s ok to be angry at God, even yell at him,, he’s forgiving and knows we don’t understand his plan. At 4 months being angry is normal. I’ve had some house and property issues too and it does feel like a cruel test. I had my septic tank collapse on Christmas Day. I saw it and started crying. Then I was told it could cost as much as $15K to replace it. More tears. But it was half that and thankfully my brother helped me find a contractor.
    I felt angry at God for a long time and even questioned why he wanted to hurt me by taking the love of my life from from me. I am back to praying and asked forgiveness in the anger I felt. And it brings me peace again. I believe your faith will come back and the power of prayer will be a part of your life again.
    One day one moment at a time. Baby steps.
    MaryKate and cjpines like this.
  4. Rosa V

    Rosa V New Member

    It's almost 11 months since my Mike passed. We lived in the same house for the last 21 years. Believe me when I say this ... it's happened to me as well. I've had birds living in my roof, mice in my house, had to renovate my main floor since my dogs (I have 3 of them that my husband took care of) destroyed the wood floors, cars breaking down, and last but not least my furnace just went. Yes it does feel like we are being tested to see if we can handle it all.

    Take it one day at a time.
    MaryKate and cjpines like this.
  5. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    I'm back on tract thanking God, he saved my kitty, Rambo cat, today. Over the weekend I was so distressed and worried it was making me sick. I had to let go and let God make the decision for my cat and whatever the outcome I would accept. This may sound trivial worrying over a cat, but he's my salvation mostly because he was my husband's cat, they were so close and I just feel I need to take care of him. Rambo is part of my husband and I need his presence.

    And I too felt angry when he took Jack away from me. I prayed for just a few more years, but he was taken and when things started happening I just mentally collapsed. HE has granted me more time with Rambo and for that I'm eternally grateful.

    Thank you for sharing your anger and catastrophes after your loss, I don't feel so crazy.
    MaryKate and RLC like this.
  6. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m so happy for you that Rambo will be ok. It’s not trivial at all. It’s what we have and part of your life with jack. I have my dachshund, Ted who is my life now. He was a gift from Ron and he broke his foot last summer. I cried a river over him getting so hurt. Rambo and Ted keep us moving. Get us out of bed each day. Give us a purpose. And you had so many things one after another needing repair or attention. It seems to happen that way, I’ve had leaks and car troubles and mice etc and it feels like the world is collapsing around us. We all get it. My garage door stopped working too, I figured out it was the new humidifier my brother bought me. Somehow it interferes with the remote connection. Who knew.
    I’m glad you’re back on track, you’re not alone. We know what you’re going through and here to help pick you up and let you know what you’re feeling is so normal.
    MaryKate and cjpines like this.
  7. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Guess what? I just found mice in my attic, lot's of them. What's next.
  8. MaryKate

    MaryKate New Member

    Hi, join this group like 10 minutes ago. I just needed to read what Anyone, Someone living what I'm feeling. I lost my husband, my best friend, my lover, and the father of my children. The thing is, this time is forever! He's not coming back it will be seven months on June 2. It was rough in the beginning but then I thought I was doing so much better with the exception of me not liking to leave my house because I don't want to come home to an empty one! And yes to follow this, I was angry with God because of the merciless death Mark experienced and I could do nothing about it. I have always protected him and took care of him and kept family going. I talk to God all the time no he hasn't left me on my own... nothing helps me focus or stay focused.I feel so empty and disengaged and prayer though sincere, isn't helping... Nothing is.
    Thank you so much, I just needed to vent somewhere without upsetting my family and friends. Thank you again.
  9. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Thank you for venting. When I wrote it had been 4 months since Jack died, now it's 7 months. The reality is setting in that he's gone and it hurts even more than at first. I pray, but don't know if anything is helping. I'm still like a shell that is empty inside. There has been so many things go wrong with this house, property computer it was so overwhelming I cried and cried and got angry at him. Then out of shear survival after months I had to learn. Now, he's in my head guiding me how to do things. I never believed in angels, but I do now. God really does step in if you are aware of his blessings. At the end of my day I think of all the things I've learned and feel grateful instead of angry and resentful. My Jack lives in my heart, he goes everywhere I go. He's watching over me. I believe.

    I don't think of grief getting better anymore, I just get through my day. My grief will live with me.
  10. Dee Kay

    Dee Kay Active Member

    I love this post, when you wrote "out of shear survival ... I had to learn. Now he's in my head guiding me how to do things. ... lives in my heart, he goes everywhere I go. He's watching over me... My grief will live with me." Love, love, love this and yes! I feel exactly the same. So well said, thank you. The things I've had to learn to do on my property, the garden and yard care, the tools I've attempted to use (never touched a tool before) and succeeded at! The things I've accomplished with what I believe is guidance from my husband has amazed me. It's scary sometimes but I'm getting things taken care of.
    cjpines likes this.
  11. Onesimus

    Onesimus Member

    Faith and prayers. I was rocked and my faith was shaken when my precious queen died December 1. But through this trial I’m becoming more grateful for what had been given. I’m also realizing it’s not about me-it’s about what was best for Beth. Truthfully sometimes that is the only thought that gets me through a tough time. Like today. It’s our 25th anniversary. So soon I will be on my knees thanking the Lord for the blessings given and for His goodness and kindness. And for His care for my pretty little wife.
    Lost to parkinsons and Tisha like this.
  12. SusanMc8

    SusanMc8 Active Member

    I can relate to all of you. Right after my husband died we had an ant infestation, my hot water heater had to be replaced and on and on - I am learning to fix things that I never fixed before, I am learning to live on only one social security check with no other income and I am learning to make all the decisions myself. So far so good. I ask God each morning to give me the strength and wisdom to get through that day and to be kind to those I meet. I fall apart several times a (day but that is beginning to feel normal. Hopefully I am becoming stronger with God’s help.
    Onesimus likes this.
  13. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Thank you all, I thought I was the only one struggling with living alone without the help of my husband regarding our home and property. God speed.
    Tisha likes this.
  14. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m learning that we’re all stronger then we ever thought possible. So many things needing attention, that we’re not used to maintaining. On Christmas Day my septic tank collapsed. At the time a sobbed, now I new ones installed and I’ve planted grass seed where the machinery dug up my whole yard. Who knew I could do any of this. I strongly believe our spouses are guiding us through this new life. We’re all getting through these things because we have to. God bless us all.
  15. Tisha

    Tisha Member

    Hopefully I’ll get there eventually too. I’m glad you found your way. Thanks for reading my rant!!
  16. Tisha

    Tisha Member

  17. Tisha

    Tisha Member

    I’m sure feeling him around you helps a lot. Nothing like true love it lasts forever.
  18. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    You will get there in your own time. It’s more like we learn to live with it. We do get stronger. I feel Ron with me everyday. He’s gotten me through projects I had no right to even try. Talk to your husband. And be open to signs from him. I know I miss signs. They can be very subtle. He’s with you. And will always be.
    Dee Kay likes this.
  19. CoryW

    CoryW New Member

    I have the same experience. My wife and I were very active in our church. When she died, so too did my faith in God. I havent attended worship since she died. I was very mad at God for taking her; and I still am but less so. I am still working up to attending both community and individual worship.
    Chris M 2000 and cjpines like this.
  20. Onesimus

    Onesimus Member

    Cory, while my faith was shaken, I go to church, even though at times it is difficult (it's getting better). I realized I need them, and they loved Beth, too, so they also need to see me so they know they haven't lost me, too (not that I'm anything special, it's just how fellowshipping works, I think). It's been almost six months, and I am just starting to sing (if you call it that:) ). I'd encourage you to go, but I am not on your journey through this mess. Peace.