Grieving for my child's loss

I am new, and i am trying to find answers. My teenage son lost his dad( my ex-husband) this week suddenly. I was the one who gave him the news and i will never forget his face. My ex and i were not on good terms, but i am crying constantly every day for my son who seems so sad and a bit lost. I hurt to the very core for him. I cried today watching him learn about proper fitting dress clothea amd how to tie a tie with my best friend. Is it normal to hurt this bad for my son?

 

It's very normal, and I would say natural would be a more fitting word. I would say that your love for your son means that you naturally grieve the loss he is experiencing. Just from your question, I would guess that you can probably very easily set aside whatever history exists between you and your ex, and instead witness the devastating effect the loss is having on the child you brought into the world together. When we love someone, witnessing their grief, loss, pain and hurt often stirs a sympathetic response in us. That is the meaning of compassion: to suffer along with another.

And I would say that for boys and men, grief shows up differently than it does for girls and women. Remember that in Western societies, women have greater freedom to visibly express their emotions. For us guys, it expected that we stuff it, stifle it, or shrug it off-- always with terrible repercussions sooner or later. Often, the sadness and despair and depressive feelings manifest in anger, which is a "safer" expression for many men. Sometimes silence and withdrawal is our response. And for a teenager? Hard for me to say, I do better with people my own age and older. I'm sure someone will respond with good advice.