I have been actively trying to have good days this week. It takes a ton of energy though. I feel like the only way to have good days is to avoid thinking about my baby brother at all costs. I miss him and see him in everything but must force myself to keep moving forward. I have gotten to the point where I can say his name out loud without bursting into tears, but I can't think about him for too long. I have a great job where my bosses and coworkers are super accepting and loving. My boss lost her brother ten years ago so she knows the pain. We ache together. However, I still have to keep it together. I need the hours and money to pay off all the debt I've accumulated. It still seems like everything else is meaningless. I am trying to stay above water so desperately. I almost feel guilty because I haven't cried about him in a few days. What a weird thing to feel guilty about.
