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Floundering

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Hewasmysunshine, Jun 27, 2021.

  1. Hewasmysunshine

    Hewasmysunshine Active Member

    New to this sight. My husband of 38 yrs. passed away last night (June26). I have worn the hall rug out, walking back and forth, switching on lights, turning lights off, going through papers looking for what I need. The Chaplin from the hospital called me at 8:15 P.M. to tell me he had passed, after being rushed from the nursing home to the hospital. I have no one to turn to, we had no children, few close friends, they are not well themselves. I was alone in the house for 41 days, always had hope Ron would come home at some point, being totally alone now is scary. I have to stop, tears are blinding me at the moment.
     
  2. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Being alone is very scary, we all feel it. My husband also Ron, passed from a massive heart attack. No signs or warning and I lost my everything, in 2 hours. I had never lived alone and yes it’s so scary. But I’m learning as I go through this process that I’m stronger then I realized. I’m sure you are too. But your loss was yesterday, losing your husband is so very very resent. I’m sure you’re in disbelief and your world is crashing down on you. Coming to this site is good, everyone on here knows and understands the pain. You’re not alone. There’s very caring people here. Make yourself a list of things to do so they’re not cluttering your mind. Only do what needs to be done, most things can wait. Be sure to take care of you. Add to your list easy things so you have something to cross off, brush your teeth, feed the dog etc. this is your first day since your loss, your feelings and thought process will be all over the place. Take deep breaths and take things one moment at a time. Don’t think too far ahead it’s too much right now. Eventually your memories will make you smile but it takes time. Visit this site often, read and share stories it helps so much. Knowing you’re not alone in how you’re feeling is kind of like a warm hug. Try to get fresh air each day. And know that Ron wants you to be ok. sending you hugs! Robin
     
    Van Gogh, Returning joy and DEB321 like this.
  3. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member

    After my husband died in the ER, I had to go home to an empty house. I can't find the words to express the pain I felt when I opened the front door. I didn't want to go inside, but I knew I had to... My heart felt like it had been ripped in half. Not only only was it the worst emotional pain I've every experienced, but a part of me felt like it couldn't be "real." I experienced so many emotions all at the sme time... total heartbreak, loneliness, fear, disbelief, and even anger... (As more time passed, there were moments when I felt emotionally "numb," but I'm jumping too far ahead, so will stop here.)

    RLC has already given you excellent advice. I try to do the things that she has mentioned. I find that being outside, taking long walks, helps me cope. Every morning I think of at least one thing to be grateful for, no matter how small that thing is. I make lists of things I want to accomplish each day. Sometimes there are only one or two things on my list.

    I'm so sorry for your loss... I'm so sorry that you were alone when you found out your husband had passed away. I'm glad you found this site, but I wish you didn't have to be here. You are no longer alone. We're here for you. Please continue to reach out to us. Sending you lots of hugs, wishing you, all of us peace...
     
    Returning joy likes this.
  4. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    I feel your grief, and fear. My hubby, Jack, has been gone now for 8 months on July 4th. Don't forget, you are still you. God gave you your own spirit and eventually you will learn to live without him. I'm trying, but hard. Don't stop the tears, I still have them. Life is not fair, life is what it is. Stay with us on this forum.
     
    Returning joy likes this.
  5. Returning joy

    Returning joy Member

    Such a hard journey, 2 months today, my husband went home. Miss him every moment, cry some days alot..I have moments I can see through the tears & grief. Precious moments when the extreme heaviness lightens a little. One day at a time. The Lord will make a way where there seems to be none..
     
  6. Returning joy

    Returning joy Member

     
  7. Returning joy

    Returning joy Member

    I am new to this sight. What a blessing to share this heavy burden of grief with others going through this process. It is so hard, but every nugget of encouragement helps me realize I am not alone, there is a way, in time, to live again..thanks to all of you for sharing your hope and the deep sorrow we all endure.
     
    DEB321 likes this.
  8. DonCon20

    DonCon20 Well-Known Member

     
  9. DonCon20

    DonCon20 Well-Known Member

    I can identify with your loss. I lost my husband of 49 years ago on July 16th. My husband fell on June 18th and had a brain bleed. He never came out of the coma. He developed heart issues and an infection while in the hospital. I put him in hospice. I was not prepared mentally for losing him. Nor am I today. Not only have I lost my husband I have all the paperwork involved with his death including all the providers that gave him care. Alot of stress in addition to the overwhelming loss of him. I have joined a grief group that starts next weekend. I know others have and do share what we are going through. Anytime you would like to chat please respond.
     
    RLC likes this.
  10. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband and I understand the overwhelming feeling of going through and dealing with all the paperwork. It is a lot to go through as you’re dealing with the pain from his loss. Ron and I ran a business together and I had to empty out and close our business. I feel I went through 2 losses, losing my life partner and our wonderful life together and losing our business that was like another family member to us. It’s like you’re smoothly gliding along and the brakes come on abruptly and you have to deal with everything by yourself. That’s hard and especially while your heart is aching. It’s only like 2 weeks since your life came tumbling down, the paperwork does ease up after a while, but it does make you feel worse in the moment. There was a time that I stopping getting my mail in because it was so upsetting each day. It’s too much. I hope you have family and friends offering support and take them up on offers to help. Even someone having coffee with you is a wonderful help. One day, one hour, one moment at a time. Take care
     
  11. DonCon20

    DonCon20 Well-Known Member

     
  12. DonCon20

    DonCon20 Well-Known Member

    Exactly. My husband was a disabled veteran on benefits as well. Having to navigate everything in addition to losing him. Thank you…
     
  13. Patti 61

    Patti 61 Guest

    My heart knows what you are going through. I am so sorry for you and each of us on this now journey. I lean heavily on God daily to help me, miss him constantly, it's been four years nine months today that I lost my husband to Parkinson's disease. We are blessed to have the group here, no one can understand unless they have lost their dear husband or dear wife, lifting you in prayer and all others here.
     
    Returning joy likes this.
  14. Hewasmysunshine

    Hewasmysunshine Active Member

    Thank you for your kind words. I had no idea the grieving process would be so hard. Ron has been gone for little over 2 months now, small things still trigger me, a song, a movie, pictures of us, and I melt down in tears. The day his ashes were delivered from the funeral home was the worst day, I knew then no amount of wishing I would wake up from a bad dream was going to happen. I have had several conversations with God lately, they help. I also talk to Ron and myself, a lot. Talk to the cat, but she looks at me like I am crazy, then goes to her bed and naps. I haven't been on, got a message from another member(From Grief In Common) in my e-mail, so thought I should come back. I hope you are doing better.
     
    Van Gogh likes this.