A month and a half after my dad died, my aunt had a serious heart attack. We weren't sure she'd make it for awhile. She had to get a triple bypass but is alive and recovering now. Those 2 things happening so close to each other wasn't easy and made me realize that as alone as I feel now, it's going to get worse. My mom will die, my aunt will die, my sister will die. Who knows, maybe I'll die first, but I'm the youngest in my family by about 14 years. My parents were older when they had me. My peers are having kids of their own, or nieces and nephews. Their families are growing. My family is shrinking. Some days are okay but nights are harder. Some nights I feel not just sadness but fear. I think it's fear of being and feeling alone. I want to be alone recently, but then comes this fear that's like falling into a black hole on mute. No sound, just falling. I feel so alone and I could text a friend but none of them understand. I feel trapped in fear.
