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empty nest syndrome??

Discussion in 'Finding it Difficult to Move Foward' started by JennD.39, Oct 15, 2016.

  1. JennD.39

    JennD.39 Member

    Does anyone else here suffer from "empty nest syndrome?"
    My late husband Michael and I had eight children, the oldest is 36, the youngest is 28. Now that Mike is passed on, and six of the kids have moved out (two live with me but both work, have lives) I find myself home alone a LOT of the time & I have always suffered from this depression of "losing" my children to adulthood.
    Everyone tells me that it is normal for them to move out, move on, have lives ~ and don't get me wrong, I am very proud of them ~ but I still feel empty, sad, not needed.
    Am I alone here? Am I weird or wrong? I kinda wonder if I should be in therapy!! From what I've read this feeling is perfectly normal, but even tho' I would not change anything as children growing up is a perfectly GOOD thing, it's so hard letting them go.
    Any ideas here? Please tell me this is normal....
    (I hope I'm posting this in the correct thread ~ not sure where else to put it?)
    PS ~ As a note here: we have seven grandchildren as well, who are the light of my life! Bless their hearts...
     
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Hi Jenn, I think this is a very appropriate place to share this, and I am sure you are not alone. In talking to people I try to avoid using the word "normal" but I can tell you for sure that I think this idea of an empty nest is very very common. We talk about empty nest after our kids have moved away, but that feeling of being alone is absolutely going to be heightened after the loss of our spouse.
    Of course I don't know your situation but I would guess that if you and your husband had eight children it's because you loved the idea of having a big family and always wanted to have a lot of people around. Don't forget that the loss of a loved one isn't just about loss - but it's about change. Change from what our life was...change from what we would hope it would be. You're dealing with the losses and the changes all at the same time, and sometimes it can leave us feeling very empty and sad. And as a mother, no longer having our children to care for can make us question our purpose.
    I spoke to a woman one time who summed it up so nicely....to be happy we need 3 things: to have someone to love (and she didn't just mean romantic love), to have something to look forward to, and to have something to do (purpose).
    After a loss (and I would suppose after our children have grown as well!) we're left wondering where we are needed and what's next. There is nothing abnormal about struggling in trying to figure this out. It's probably the one struggle that just about any adult can relate to.
    Take your time in figuring out what's next, and where you can find your purpose. Look in your community for activities or volunteer opportunities. In motherhood and in caring for a loved one we often don't get to pursue our own interests or think about what we would like to do. In loss we are a given a strange an un-wanted opportunity....but an opportunity nonetheless...to seek activities and interests that have meaning or purpose for us.
    I thank you for sharing your story and hope you report back to let us know how you are doing! I truly wish you all the best...
     
    Debsforever and LuAnn like this.