Hi group, I lost my lifetime partner on Saturday. He left home to go to the store and pick up a loaf of bread and ham. We are unable to cook, our stove is disconnected and not usable since the floor at my parents home is getting done-which is also where we live. Well on his way out of the store, mind u in Baja, Ca. Mexico, he gets shot 3 times. He managed to crawl into store and records two audios telling me he's shot!! Omg, my heart is missing. I feel like I just float without a purpose. After all this, I was unable to attend his funeral and burial since his sisters, mother, and kids mom arranged it all. But he was living with me?!?
Dear Terry: I am so very sorry to hear about the sudden and horrible loss of your partner. To be struck down at such a young age and in a violent manner as you described is more than a person can comprehend. And I'm sure what makes it even worse is how his family totally disrespected you by excluding you from his burial service. It is sad for everyone who remains, that they harbor such negative feelings and could not do what your partner I'm sure would have wanted. That is very sad and hurtful for you....I'm sure. And now you're probably asking yourself...."so how do I go on?" Well, I don't know everything, but I absolutely do know how to deal with grief. I have lost many cherished people during the last 15 years and there were times when I thought I just couldn't survive another day. My daughter 15 years ago. My Dad, 12 years ago. My Mom last May. And although not through death, my divorce from my husband of 19 years due to his infidelity. We were together 25 years in all and I'm still trying to cope with that as well. I really have no family left and sometimes it's very hard for sure. But I found that by doing the following, I was able to get through the worst times of my life: Put yourself first and take care of you. Whatever that translates into. Get enough rest, or try to. Eat as healthy as you can. Feel your emotions and just let them come out. Don't let anyone tell you to "get over it." Accept the fact that "time does not heal all wounds." What time does is strengthen your ability to deal with the loss and your heartbreak. In that, it will get better as the days, months and years go by. Trust me on this one...I know. Reach out to family and friends that you feel comfortable with and that you trust. This is when you'll find out who your real friends are. Stay as busy as you can. Read, write, listen to music, exercise. Whatever soothes your pain. If you like to write...keep a journal. It helps to put your feelings down on paper. When and if you're able to...visit your partner's grave. I do so on a regular basis and I just have long conversations with my loved ones. It took many years before I could go and stop crying hysterically. However now when I visit their graves, I sob a bit less and I have a faint smile when I remember all the wonderful times we spent together. Seek out a support group in your area. It helps to be around people who are dealing with the same pain. If there aren't any where you live, then don't hesitate to reach out here on this site. There are many wonderful people here who offer compassion and understanding. Sometimes we just want to be heard. Lastly....pray. Whether you're religious or not.....just pray. Someone is listening always. Wishing you comfort and strength in dealing with your loss. Take good care of yourself~Ellen
