1. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    To everyone who will listen:

    Not a lecture, just an actual eyewitness account by me - looking back and how loss drove me to depression

    When as you say are falling, you must realize that, and never take it lightly. Depression is hard to spot, and it can come slowly and creep into your life. Even with others around you it is so silent, and completely omnipotent.

    When I fell into my depression, I had my moms company, the companionship of my wife at night, and my two sons. I had my school mates and was actively into so many things. What I didn't realize is I needed to cry badly, I needed to let go, and escape the horror building up inside me.

    When it finally happened it was by complete surprise. I no longer had control of myself anymore. I was completely lost, that I think all the bad from the past, coupled with my dad's loss finally overcame me. I wasn't crying anymore, I was afraid I would stop breathing, that I could catch my dads cancer like a cold (stupid I know) that I had forgot truly what it was like to take a full breath anymore. I tried to practice it, but it was useless I was too self-conscience of myself now.

    So when it happened I would retreat to a corner of the room, and sit on the floor and at that point I did not know what I was doing anymore. But I was afraid, so very scared. Thank God I had Nadine, she wept for me, she helped me to the doctor, and yet I still could not cry. As I talked with the doctor he looked at me, he checked my weight and what it had been previously, and noticed the remarkable loss so quickly. It wasn't till then did I understand what a Ketone was. It was present in my urine. Luckily I tested negative for diabetes, because they are bad if in the blood.

    So the doctor called a psychiatrist in the room. Here I was hopelessly unaware of what was going on. I was asked so many questions, so much blood was taken and tested. I was just not able to remember the questions or answers I gave, and felt so lost. I did respond to all their questions.

    The Psychiatrist handed me a piece of paper and said get this filled at your pharmacy. To me it was just paper, but it turned out to be a lifesaver for me. I can't tell you honestly how long the antidepressants took to start making me feel better mentally, but I knew it made me more aware, more level headed and able to finally continue with everything in my life once again.

    So when I get serious with you or anyone else, there is always a reason. I have been to hell and back and, if I can ever help another person from ever facing that experience I will live more days as a more satisfied man.

    Please don't ever dismiss your feelings, they are there for a reason. So you be safe, you take care and listen to your body, and always reach out if you ever have any questions. I will tell you one last thing - We each have our limit, what it is, it is so different for each of us. So please never feel foolish for asking even the most obscure questions.

    Take care of yourself. When I say watch out for despair - God do I mean it literally.

    Hugs

    -david

    Your Fight Song

     
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  2. Kim W

    Kim W Member

    Thank you for caring . I totally get it . I lost my older sister June 14 2018 . Worst day of my life . At first I fell apart , couldnt stop crying , couldnt eat or if I did , couldnt keep it down . Hated night , hated trying to go to sleep and hated waking up even more . As time went on the tears slowed but my life was still , I was stuck , couldnt enjoy anything , didnt care if I showered, it was a chore to get dressed and go to work , didnt talk to anyone , didnt want to . Crazy thoughts were in my head . She passed very sudden of a brain anuerysm and every time I had a headache or pain I would think I was dying . I was just a shell of who I was . Long story short I too went to the Drs and then a phsychiatrist who gave me anti depressants as well . I think they saved my life . Noone should ever be afraid to ask for help . Thank you for sharing your story . Im sorry about your dad . Glad your doing better my friend
     
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  3. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Kim,

    Thank you for responding. I am so very sorry for the loss of your sister. After that loss we all react so differently. I was happy to hear you were able to seek treatment. So true antidepressants can help tremendously. The treatment can give back your life to you. They will never take away the tremendous loss we each suffer, that requires time and still reaching out to others.

    I found music helped me so much. There was always a song or melody I could find for any mood. Even though we are sometimes unable to still face certain things that are too painful to remember, just by remembering we are facing our loss as terrible as it is. There are no easy answers, only time that will help each of us. I know when I think back to all the people I have lost in life for whatever reason the fact that I am still here, and you are as well gives a testament to the human spirit.

    I hope peace will come to your heart, mind, and soul and that as each day passes the loss of your sister will be easier to face. Take care.

    -david
     
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  4. Kim W

    Kim W Member

    Thank you David and I hope this message finds you well . Your statement is beautifully said . You are so right . Nothing else to do but keep going forward . Hugs to you
     
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  5. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Kim,

    Thank You. Too often, someone can try to read into something that is not there. By moving forward and facing our pain, slowly of course, it allows us to overtime, as time passes, and you moved forward in time you are lessening that pain. When I use the word forward, I am not asking you to forget about the one you lost.

    This video explains why after death you should not move on, it is 16:41 sec long. So one last time, moving forward just means the passage of time, none of us can stop that ever, and this video will explain why not to move on from a fellow person who lost someone special in life. So please be careful not to confuse a word for something it was never written to mean. Time stops for no one.

    -david
     
  6. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    David, I do feel lost. Since I lost my fiancee I feel empty and alone. We have two small kids and I feel like I've become a single parent in the worst way. I lost him and my dad days apart but I dnt think I've really mourned for my dad because my fiancee's death hit so hard. Every day is a challenge. I pray for strength and get through only by the grace of God.