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Delayed Grief after loss of my Sister

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by JANELC, Feb 18, 2019.

  1. JANELC

    JANELC Member

    Hi All

    I am from the UK and new to this site so I am a little unsure as to how it works but wanted to say hello and tell you a little of what brought me here. I was searching delayed grief and this website had a great article about it. I lost my Sister to SUDEP in July 2016 but failed to grieve properly. I was my parents remaining child and I was trying to be strong for them. I was also in the middle of a college degree (mature student) and placement and never once thought I would not complete it. I felt okay for such a sudden loss but the last year, little things started to give. I was feeling more anxious, some flat days but nothing major. I thought that was grieving but boy was I wrong. In December just gone I started to cry and get really stressed. I couldn't get my Sister out of my head; the low lying anxiety that I already suffer from went through the roof and it still is.

    I am really struggling, signed off work with anxiety and depression. I am waking up feeling panic and wonder what it is all about. I feel lost in my direction from the loss and my emotions are all over the place. I go between worrying about the future, the loss, my parents getting older, feeling guilty for being off work. The loss has brought mortality to my door and it is frightening me. I know death is part of life, but this is the most traumatic loss I have ever encountered and it has hit me hard.

    Can anyone relate to this?
     
  2. Suzy Fre

    Suzy Fre New Member

    Hi JanelC,

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I too was searching delayed grief and found this website. My loss was different than yours, but when I read your words I recognized myself. I lost my mom on the last day of November 2016. The loss was very sudden. I met her at urgent care after I got off of work one day and 10 hours later she died. She had an ear infection that just took over her whole body. It is still hard to comprehend. My dad had Alzheimer's Disease and my mom was his primary caregiver at the time. He was not in the late stages, but was not able to live on his own. When my mom died, my grief seemed to be all-consuming, but there was just so much to do to take care of my dad. Then last year, April 2018, my dad fell and hit his head. He seemed like he was going to be okay, but passed away after 2 days. I was close to both of my parents, but was always closest to my dad. I was so afraid of what my grief would be like when I lost him. After my mom, I pretty much shut down for a while. I did the things I had to do, but I stopped having any kind of social life. I just couldn't deal with being around people for about 6 months or so. I assumed I might react similarly (or worse) when my dad died, but I just didn't. I was sad. I cried sometimes, but I mostly felt okay, until recently. To borrow your words, little things have started to give. I am crying over everything, and my anxiety feels uncontrollable. I have also been angry, lashing out at people I love for no good reason. This is not like me and I can't stand it.

    I am still working, but it is a giant struggle. I am behind with everything and cannot focus. I, too, wake up feeling panic and I can't predict what my emotions will be from one moment to the next. I think about my dad all the time. I worry about the future. I worry about how my kids will cope if I get Alzheimer's. I feel guilty for not pulling my weight at work. Its overwhelming.

    I wish I could offer some words of wisdom, but I just don't have any. I just wanted you to know that yes, someone can relate to what you are experiencing.
     
  3. JANELC

    JANELC Member

    Hi Suzy

    Thank you for sharing your story. It is horrible to lose any loved one no matter the circumstance and grief has many was of coming out. I am nowhere near right at the moment and know that me grief has gone beyond into a severe anxiety and depression. I am struggling daily and on medication which isn't seeming to help at the moment. So many other things come into your head other than just the loses don't they.

    I couldn't function in work place at the moment. Keep in touch x