Grief Self-Study Now Available! Visit Online Support section for more information

Dealing with the sudden loss of my partner

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Vettielynn, Oct 27, 2020.

  1. Vettielynn

    Vettielynn New Member

    I need some advice on how to cope with the sudden death of my fiance and not continue blaming myself for his death.
     
  2. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    Hello Vettielynn, I am sorry for your loss. Unexpected loss is especially hard. It is very common to feel guilt and blame yourself for anything you could have done or for things you might have done differently. Try to focus on what you did do to help. Sometimes it’s just one minute, one hour, one day at a time to get through, especially at the beginning. You will need to take good care of yourself by eating, sleeping, drinking water and being around those who support you. Don’t isolate yourself, there are many who have similar feelings and will understand. You will find kindness, a willingness to listen and understanding here. Keep posting. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
     
  3. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    Hello Vettielynn, I am sorry for your loss. Unexpected loss is especially hard. It is very common to feel guilt and blame yourself for anything you could have done or for things you might have done differently. Try to focus on what you did do to help. Sometimes it’s just one minute, one hour, one day at a time to get through, especially at the beginning. You will need to take
     
  4. Vettielynn

    Vettielynn New Member

    Thank you guys for the replies. I blame myself for his death because he had been drinking and he wanted to watch a movie with me but i didnt want to be around him when he was drunk because he got mean. So he got mad and took off on his motorcycle and was killed for not negotiating a curve. I feel if i tried to stop him from leaving or at least watched the movie with him, he wouldn't have left. I know i shouldnt be isolating myself but i just cant seem to get out of this depression
     
  5. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry. I know you must be hurting. This is not your fault or his, it was a tragic accident. It is very common to blame yourself, I did it too, and if you read more posts, you will see that many of us think if we had just done something different, been a little nicer, changed one thing, our loved one would still be here. It’s just not so. Try to reach out to those that understand what you’re going through. Make a short list, even one thing, to accomplish each day. Accept support from others when they reach out. One minute, one hour, one day at a time. Right now you are trying to survive your grief. Eat, drink water, rest and don’t isolate. Each day you get through is a triumph. I will pray for you and keep you in my thoughts.
     
    Vettielynn likes this.
  6. Vettielynn

    Vettielynn New Member

    Thank you so much.