Colleen died August 6 2019

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by NYCBASSIST55, Mar 20, 2020.

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  1. NYCBASSIST55

    NYCBASSIST55 Member

    My wife of 35 years died suddenly and unexpectedly last August. She faced the end with bravery and grace. That will inspire me for the rest of my life.

    She was an extraordinary musician. I have a beautiful recording we made in 1988 of Franz Schubert’s Introduction and Variations for flute and piano. It is in mp3 format and I treasure it. I would love to share it.
     
  2. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. The horrible grief and pain that accompanies this loss is something the members of this forum are all too familiar with. We all understand what you are going through and we want to help.
    Music is a great source of comfort and I would love to share my love of music with you. One of our members (David Hughes) is a music buff who blesses us all with music. Thank you for reaching out to us.
    Bless you and I hope we can help ease your pain.
    Bill
     
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  3. NYCBASSIST55

    NYCBASSIST55 Member

    Thank you for responding so quickly. I was finding a bereavement group associated with the church. Due to the health crisis these are shutting down. This website was recommended by a friend and I glad to find it. Only people who have experienced this themselves “get it”. I want to share my experience but also want to help others with what I learn everyday.

    Thank you for letting me be a part of this group.

    Joe
     
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  4. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    Joe, thank you for reaching out to us.
    One thing everyone that participates on this site have in common is, they want
    to help. They have faced, and endured the same horrible pain that you are facing today. Nobody should have to endure all of these challenges alone.
    That’s where we can be of some help.
    My wife and best friend for over 25 years died from bran cancer on 10/18/2019 after battling the disease for a year. She endured surgery and radiation therapy to no avail and we were finally informed that she was going to die. Nothing we could do except to try to make her as comfortable as possible.
    She was put on 24 hour bedrest (catheter and all) and I moved into her room, and I was with her 24/7 until she passed. I will love her forevermore. The nurses and staff at Hospice were like family and I will be eternally grateful to them all.
    Please keep reaching out to us when you are having a bad day, or just want to talk.
    We’re all here for you.

    Bill
     
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  5. NYCBASSIST55

    NYCBASSIST55 Member

    Bill

    Your experience is so recent and horrific. Thank you for telling me about it. God bless you. May the pain ease up every day and may God help you to “channel” that pain to help others.

    Joe
     
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  6. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Joe, I am so sorry for your loss, you’ve come to the right place, everyone here knows the pain you’re feeling we understand the loneliness and that facing each day without our soul mates or special someone is so difficult. I’m afraid our family and friends don’t get it, they can’t, unless they’ve gone through such a horrible loss. But on this site you’ll receive compassion and understanding and caring people. We’re here for each other, and it does help. It seems to help knowing we’re not alone, and reading and sharing our own stories, all helpful.
    I see you lost your wife suddenly and unexpectedly. I know exactly how that feels. My husband was healthy, and strong, never sick. On 11/17/18 in the evening he felt like a stomach virus was bothering him, then all the sudden chest pains. This started at 9:30, I called 911 the ambulance got here quite fast but by 11:34 I lost the love of my life. He had a massive heart attack, with no prior signs at all. My life was turned upside down in 2 hours, we ran a business together, we did everything together. He’s my everything. I have a hard time using past tense words, and I do still he’s my everything.
    The loneliness can be overwhelming, I hope you have support you can count on, and this site and the people on here are a community to help one another. Take a day at a time, or hour or minute whatever you’re up to at that given time. Things can wait, take care of you.
    I see you shared the love of music, I’m hoping that can be of support for you as you try to get through this very bumpy journey.
    Hoping for better days for you and my prayers are with you.
    Sending hugs
    Robin
     
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  7. NYCBASSIST55

    NYCBASSIST55 Member

    Robin,

    ‘Thank you for your letter. One result of losing your loved one is finding yourself suddenly in a new dark and barren world where you are completely alone. This website makes you see realize how very many people inhabit this world.

    Colleen was a part of me for 35 years. I didn’t understand how deeply I loved her until she was gone.

    She had a vibrant positive personality. When we travelled to Paris in 2003, she wanted to walk from one end of the city to another. I was ready to retire to a convenient bistro early on in this “jaunt” but she would not stop. She loved thrilling rides and insisted on riding on a “bungee jump” ride in an amusement park in Paris. I watched in terror as a crowd of Parisians cheered her on!

    June 2018, she lost her leg because of osteomyelitis. She dealt with the amputation with bravery and grace. In August 2019 she became very sick and she had to be hospitalized . Her temperature had plummeted to 93 and she was very frail. After a day in the hospital she went into a coma. She died August 6th 4:30 am. I thought that she would pull through this but I was wrong.

    I would like to share a recording we made together. How do I do that?

    Joe
     
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  8. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    Joe
    My understanding of love has gone through enormous changes through this mind bending process. I loved and cherished my wife beyond all reason. I wasn’t prepared for the intensity and the pain I felt at her passing. I found that my love for her was, by far, more intense than I could have ever realized and that she was truly the “Love of My Life “. 25 plus years of bliss. I wish that I could have had 50 more.
    I hope that David will contact you about adding your music to the site. I’m not very tech savvy.
    I would love to hear your music. My involvement in music was between the late 50’s through the 70’s. Pre mp3.
     
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  9. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Joe, Your love for Colleen shines in your words, as does the pain you’re feeling. You’re right it is like being in a dark barren place, and you’re there alone. Your brain is in a fog and absolutely nothing feels right. Ron and I ran a business together, we worked together, did everything together, 24/7. We were together since I was 16 and he was 19, 44 years. I had to empty our shop and three months after Ron passed I closed and locked our shop door for the last time. I experienced a second loss when I closed our business, so hard! I can’t even express the pain in words. I couldn’t even get my mind wrapped around the loss, I couldn’t Mourn the way I should because I had the business to deal with. Not one thing in my life is the same as I had before. There’s no Ron, there’s no work. We were planning on retiring, this year on my birthday. We wanted to travel, enjoy our country. Fix up things in our home, enjoy life. Now it’s just me.
    I love your story of your visit to Paris, sounds like a wonderful time. Those are the memories we will keep close to our heart. But actually, even mundane day to day things, I think I miss them even more. Getting and sending texts, our inside jokes, movie night cooking together, etc. every last thing.
    Colleen does sound like a very brave woman, and her losing her leg from such an awful disease, and yet she remained strong and positive.
    It’s all heartbreaking, and so difficult to move forward. But we each take tiny steps forward and we’re certainly trying our best.

    Joe I just found this site, take a look it just might help you. There’s a couple options.
    https://www.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_transfer_music_from_mp3_player_to_computer
    Good luck! Robin
     
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  10. NYCBASSIST55

    NYCBASSIST55 Member




    that is the Vimeo link to a video I put together after Colleen died. The music is from Introduction and Variations by Schubert. That’s her playing flute.
     
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  11. NYCBASSIST55

    NYCBASSIST55 Member

    Let me know if that works.

    Joe
     
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  12. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    No words! So beautiful! Made me cry, my eyes are a blurry mess. Thank you for sharing. Beautiful tribute!
     
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  13. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the wonderful gift of sharing your heart. What a lovely and talented woman. To have shared this love of music for those many years is a true blessing. Thank you so much for sharing that beautiful memory and letting us get a glimpse of her soul.
    Lovely, lovely, lovely.
    Bill
     
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  14. NYCBASSIST55

    NYCBASSIST55 Member

    Thank you for those appreciative words. I listen to the recordings we made with wonder. They are truly precious to me. I feel good to share that music with others and only wish that I had done a lot more of that when she was alive.
     
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  15. NYCBASSIST55

    NYCBASSIST55 Member

    I want to share something. You might think I’m imagining things but I don’t.

    For months and months after Colleen died, I couldn’t sleep. I had returned to work but I was doing so with an hour or maybe two of sleep.

    I was thinking about things I promised Colleen I would do in the week before she died. The last thing she asked me to do was to put up curtains in our new apartment. She bought these nice Laura Ashley curtains that she loved and wanted me to hang them up in the bedroom. I tried but I ended up making a bunch of nail holes in the wall- nothing more. She must have been sicker than I knew because she never asked how the job went.

    Many months after she died, I thought I should put them up. It was the last thing I promised I would do. This time, they went up easily and looked beautiful. They added some sort of radiance into the room. I got a lot of sleep that night and remember having the sensation of someone giving me a light kiss. I’ve never had trouble sleeping since then.
     
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  16. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    I have had similar experiences. I definitely believe that our loved ones try to communicate if we are truly listening
    We can hear, see or smell them.
     
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  17. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I don’t think you’re crazy at all. I think it happens and that our loved ones are trying to comfort and contact us. I’ve felt a kiss from Ron and felt him hug me. I’ve actually seen him. Gives me such comfort. I’m happy for you that you had a visit from Colleen.
    Some people think I’m crazy but I know what’s happening is real. Ron came to me one night. Spent most the night with me, I had misplaced my credit card. When I woke up, Ron told me where my card was. He told me it was in the car! Sure enough, the card was found in the car! I feel that proof Ron is with me and caring for me as best he can. If you’re open to it it can happen.
    Thank you for sharing.
     
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  18. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    Not crazy at all. It’s happened to me several times. They seem to be aware on a different wavelength. I don’t care if people think I’m crazy. I look forward to seeing her again.
     
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  19. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Joe,

    I am so sorry for your loss of Colleen your wife. One amazing thing about your wife was her love for music.

    The thing that amazes me about musicians of all types is how their playing takes on a whole new dynamic when they start to play. It is as if they throw themselves, all their feelings into the music. All a person needs to do is peer into their eyes, as they say the eyes are the window to our soul, and you can see how the music comes alive literally and dynamically affects them.

    You can always tell the difference between a person who plays notes from a sheet, and a person who encompasses that music, to present to each of us, their interpretation, and emotions for what they play.

    The piece that Colleen played was beautiful, a true artist who loved what she was doing. It must have been a wonderful experience for you each time you were able to watch her perform. Those people who play music for others are a special type of person, those performances cover every possible situation any of us encounter in life.

    Your trip to Paris had to be amazing, with so many things to admire and experience. Colleen must have really enjoyed everything about Paris.

    My wife Nadine, who died of cancer, after 42 years of marriage enjoyed our two and half years in Okinawa during my military times. We saw and visited everything she wanted, and even took a trip around the island, only two hours and thirty minutes to do so. We experienced their festivals, took so many pictures. Memories are something we will always be able to keep with us forever.

    Joe, I have found that like language, music is a bridge in life we all walk on. It connects us, no matter our background. It is a common connection for everyone.

    I hope you will take the time to heal inside. Please talk as much as you like, we are great listeners and you will find a very friendly audience as well. For now, take care of yourself and please never give in to despair, even on them lonely nights we all experience now.

    -david

    I found this melody for you. I have listened to it performed on many instruments.