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Celebrate his 60th Birthday 6 weeks after he passed away

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by 427RCode, Jun 1, 2020.

  1. 427RCode

    427RCode Member

    Tomorrow will be Chucks 60th birthday, he’s only been gone since April 22, 2020 (after 28 day cancer diagnosis) This was to be our special year, we had so many plans to set up me retiring as he was already. I have gone away to a friends cabin on the ocean, as I don’t feel I can be at home, I’m trying to start some new memories, I am so sad and cant really believe that he is gone forever, our dog is still so sad as well. He was actually crying out loud this morning, he’s 12 1/2 border terrier, chuck and him were together 24/7 I feel sad for him as well. I’m very grateful for this space to put my thoughts down, thank you.
     
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  2. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your loss, and having his birthday so soon after has to feel awful. Going to a friends cabin sounds like a good plan I’m glad you had that option. And not be alone. Possibly do something in his memory. I lost my husband to a massive heart attack, took him from me so fast. Two hours, and my life was turned upside down. His birthday was 3 months after he passed, it was a very difficult day. Having people around helped a lot.
    Our 43rd wedding anniversary is in 3 days. I’m dreading it. I understand how you’re feeling.
    Our dogs certainly miss and mourn the loss of their person. My dog has done the same thing. Every once in a while he puts his toys in front of Ron’s chair and then lays down and cries. In my case our dog saw Ron had something going on, and he kept searching for him. Hard to watch our fur family members ache so much.
    I’m glad you shared how you’re feeling, I do believe that helps.
    My thoughts are with you, hope tomorrow brings you some new memories and hopefully you get through ok.
    Sending you hugs! Robin
     
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  3. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member


    I feel your pain.
    Robin is so good at saying the right things to ease one’s pain. (She ‘s helped me immensely over the past few months) Just keep reaching out to us ,because we understand and care. Birthdays and anniversaries are especially hard. We’re all praying for you.
    Bill
     
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  4. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Agreed
     
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  5. ainie

    ainie Well-Known Member

    So sorry for your loss. You are only a few weeks along this journey. It is hard but we must keep doing what we need to and taking care of ourselves. I'm sure you are still very busy with all the paperwork and things that need to be done. Remember this time is about you. Do just one thing at a time, do it your way. Accept all the help that is offered...if you can when someone says "what can I do?" assign them a specific task even if it is as simple as come have coffee with me on Tuesday. Time helps make the grief softer. It will be 8 months on the 11th since my husband died and I still have some very sad days but the better days are happening more often. Take care of yourself.
     
  6. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    427Rcode,

    You both make a handsome couple. The ocean sounds a very good place to go. ainie is accurate in her appraisal. I agree with what was relatively simple is not now. I read a good deal of COVID stuff but when did cancer become so prevalent? We will muddle through this but best with help.

    Be well as best as that may be.

    Paul M.
     
  7. tgotyall

    tgotyall Well-Known Member

    Well I wish it was something we didn't have in common for sure,my wife passed on Feb 2 and her birthday was Feb 25 she would have been 60.Like you I was going to retire in Jan but quit in Oct to be with my wife her cancer came back in Sept,we also had so many plans our first were to rent a house in florida in Feb and play golf as much as we wanted,now that and all other plans will never happen,I feel we were cheated ,this was to be our time,for all our hard work and this is the reward.This is hard work be strong and very courageous and it sure is OK to be sad and any other emotion,don't hold back grieve well I am no expert it just sucks ,in the end grief surprises us ,nothing can fully prepare the heart for it,be good to yourself .
     
  8. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Special dates certainly are difficult to get through. Tomorrow June 4, would be Ron and my 43rd wedding anniversary. It will definitely be a difficult day, without the love of my love to celebrate with.
    We planned our retirement for this year as well. Now what is right. It certainly feels like we were all cheated out of the plans se made. We planned to travel. Not happening now.
    I just need to get through tomorrow.
     
  9. 427RCode

    427RCode Member

     
  10. 427RCode

    427RCode Member

    I have been reading GIC (Grief in common) for hours, yesterday (Chucks 60th) was so difficult, but I did do something that made me feel good. I put his obituary in a clear bottle with handwritten notes from his three girls and I paddled out in the ocean, and let it float away, he loved the ocean , I will be sending you Love and strength on your Anniversary tomorrow. Very grateful for all these articles to read, I will be okay, but not today. I know I have a life to live. I am grateful for this site.
     
  11. Cora1961

    Cora1961 Well-Known Member

    I know exactly how u are feeling cuz my husband would of had his 60th birthday on April 22,2020. We had so many plans for our future and now they are all gone. I have been really depressed lately. I think it is a combination of losing him, virus and what is going on in this world today with all the riots. It’s so scary to be alone in this world without your spouse beside you. I just keep telling myself just fake it until u can make it. Even when u have other love ones in your life, it is still so damn lonely with him.
     
  12. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Thank you,
    I’m going with my daughter to a park Ron took me to while dating and we visited many time with our children. It’s actually an arboretum and has beaytuful flowers and trees. It will be peaceful and a place that holds happy memories.
    Thank you for your thoughts. I’ll let you know how it goes.
    It definitely is a different and difficult world we’re living in with protests, riots and this virus and then our losses.
    Robin
     
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  13. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Parallel lives. I am reading our collective stories. We all worked so hard and we're at the point of slow down and reward. That is the car hitting a wall at 60 mph. I actually had that experience with a Metro bus. My fault and fortunately not 60 mph. Filling time with anything. Some constructive. A good deal focused on what was lost and so valuable. COVID actually takes some best pay attention and education. That is a ritual now. For whatever reason cancer and the history of it is interesting to know. Goes back to 3000 BC. When we were in it was immediate. Platelet counts and Chemo side effects. The learning curve was so steep and exhausting in every way.

    Picking up the pieces. Much harder and longer than I could have ever guessed. One day we may actually say I survived all that happened. This August will be two years. There are better days. There is some distance and perspective. So much of that is relationships with people. Finding purpose. Filling the emptiness constructively. Answer why our marriage was so special. It had to be because it lasted so long. Then the gratitude for what we had. I did not have the time to grasp cancer. Now I do.
     
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  14. Cora1961

    Cora1961 Well-Known Member

    Robin, I hope it bring some peace of mind for you, at least for a little while. Have fun and enjoy the time . God bless
     
  15. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Thank you to both of you,
    I did enjoy the arboretum, it was a beautiful warm sunny day, just like our wedding day. I’m glad that’s where I chose to go today. So peaceful, calm and quiet with beautiful flowers, trees and bushes. Helped clear my head for a little while and enjoy nature, we had a picnic lunch among beautiful blooming rhododendrons and azaleas. All the issues in the world right now felt on hold for a couple hours.
    Ron would have loved to have been there with me today, and I believe he was with me. My family shared memories they had of our wedding day through texts, I cried while reading them but very thankful for their thoughts and memories.
    Thank you again. I seem to have made it through another emotional and challenging day.
     
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