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Can't bare the pain

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Pesrey, May 5, 2019.

  1. Pesrey

    Pesrey New Member

    Lost my husband of 35 years. He died in his sleep. They are calling it a cardiac event. I call it the worst thing that has ever happened to me. He was only 55 years old. We 've been together since we were 16. I've never been without him and I don't know I suppose to do this! I'm in so much pain and so worn down I've made myself physically sick. I'm exhausted from trying not to fall apart. From making myself get out of bed and pretending to be ok. I'm not ok! Most everyone has been so supportive, believe it or not some people can be cruel. But I'm so torn from wanting people to talk to and be around to wanting everyone to go away. I see him all over the house and it's killing me! I see now that I need help but don't know where to turn, so I came here. Can anyone help me?
     
    blkcrwf1 likes this.
  2. ReneeLight

    ReneeLight Active Member

    I too lost my husband of 35 years. That was 14 months ago. He was only 54 and we met as teenagers. Needless to say, he was my everything, my rock in this world. I can’t really say anything to help you, except you slowly move into an easier existence. It’s very slow to happen. I’m still just as heartbroken as I was but I can finally go back to work and somewhat function. I miss my old life. I miss him. I miss everything we were together. I still feel I am married and I talk aloud to him ( when I’m alone ) and write him letters. It helps. I know many people don’t want to talk about him or avoid the subject. I could talk about my husband all day long. I did end up selling my house and moving. I couldn’t bear to see all our unfinished projects and the spot where he collapsed and died. Maybe that was a rash decision. I’m not sure yet. I wish you all the best. Remember it will get “better” slowly, but never the same. Post here once in awhile to say how you are doing. God Bless.
     
  3. ReneeLight

    ReneeLight Active Member

    Also, I forgot to say, don’t pretend to be ok to others. Cry when you need to and say I’m not ok. It might help others to know you feel this way.
     
  4. Ira

    Ira Member

    I lost my wife of 44 years 6 months ago. I go to work and do things that we did together which feels right. I love talking about her. But .. I cannot talk about her death without breaking down and still cry every day. Just hoping the pain eventually eases
     
  5. Robin Leigh

    Robin Leigh New Member

    I feel your pain.
    I lost my husband 3 1/2 months ago and I cry daily also.
    It is so sad coming home to no one.
    Wanting to hold him and tell him things...
     
  6. Ira

    Ira Member

     
  7. Ira

    Ira Member

    I know the pain eases, though it never really goes away. I suppose that the time varies for each of us to feel some ease
    I do the things we used to do together. That brings some comfort
     
    Gmtm likes this.
  8. Robin Leigh

    Robin Leigh New Member

    I hope so..... you hear when people die and you empathize but when it happens to you then your know true anguish that didn't exist in my life before.
     
  9. Robin Leigh

    Robin Leigh New Member

    I suppose one just has to learn from it become stronger and manage life differently
     
    Gmtm likes this.
  10. Ira

    Ira Member

     
  11. Ira

    Ira Member

    Someone said.. you will never get over it but you will get through it
    How much time.. who knows
     
  12. Zalost

    Zalost Member

     
  13. Zalost

    Zalost Member

    How do you learn to live with that I just buried my son Saturday 29th of June of this year
     
  14. Gmtm

    Gmtm New Member

    I feel this is so true. I lost my husband and dad within 24 hours of each other. I've just hit the 5 month mark. I am getting through it. I think that we each find a way to live with it, our own way of coping. I have two teenage daughters and the comment I get from many is " well you have no choice but to go on for them". I do have a choice, I've chosen to live my life as I know they both would want. That's my personal perspective. A site like this is great because we know that there are so many others (unfortunately) who can relate to us, when so many in our own personal life although meaning well just don't know how we feel.
     
  15. Sandy22

    Sandy22 Member

    I lost my dad the same way a few months ago. Some days I think I'm fine and I've accepted his death. Other days I miss him like crazy and it hurts. :'(
     
  16. blkcrwf1

    blkcrwf1 Member

    I t
    I too lost my husband in March he too was 55. I totally understand what you are going through. And yes some people can be cruel. I had a supposed friend tell me stop crying your pity party is over. Well I just about took my life that night. Got put into a psych ward that night so I wouldn't end it. It would be easy to leave this life the hard part is staying. Everyday gets harder for me to exist. I am seeing a therapist, a psychiatrist and they don't help. Need meds to sleep and meds to function don't know why I bother. My life sucks without him so much pain
     
  17. Sandy22

    Sandy22 Member

    That’s a terrible friend. Your pain is real and it’s going to take a long time to recover. Focus on your mental health and surround yourself with people who support you.