Let me explain.....I lost my husband earlier this due to a sudden accident. We were separated at the time and hadn’t seen/talk to each other for a while. Our last conversation wasn’t a good one. He had issues with alcohol which caused our separation/and possibly his death. He left me behind to raise 3 kids (10, 12 &14.....the youngest being on the Autism Spectrum.) He actually died the day after our daughter turned 14. For years I have had issues sleeping but it has gotten drastically worse since he has passed. If and when I fall asleep it doesn’t last long. When I do wake up it hits me like a brick that my husband is gone. Also the loss of my parents and two very very close friends. It literally is as if it is happening all over again. It normally takes a few seconds before it hits me that they are all gone. Often times in the few hours I can sleep I am dreaming of them all. My issue is how can I get better quality sleep. I’m pretty certain that my lack of sleep, dreams and horrific way to wake up are all connected to their deaths. Also how can I help my children heal....when I haven’t myself?
Let me also let you know that despite our separation I never stopped loving him....I just could be surrounded with the effects of alcohol on all of our lives. The guilt is eating me alive that if we were still together he wouldn’t have been in the situation he was/or where he died.
