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BROKEN ARM DUE TO GRIEVING.

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by cjpines, Jul 31, 2021.

  1. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    I MAY NOT BE ON THIS SIGHT FOR AWHILE, TYPING WITH ONE ARM. BUT I READ EVERYONE'S POST.
    ONE DAY I WAS LOOKING AT MY HUSBANDS PICTURES AFTER 8 MONTHS OF HIS DEATH.

    I GOT DRUNK, FELL AND BROKE MY ARM. PAYING THE PRICE OF LETTING GRIEVING CONSUME ME.

    PLEASE BE CAREFUL. GRIEF IS NEGATIVE, I HATE IT. IT CAN DESTROY YOU IF YOU LET IT.

    WE GRIEVE, OUR LOVE ONE IS OUT OF PAIN IN OUR CREATORS PARADISE. WE SUFFER.

    WE HAVE TO LEARN TO LIVE WITHOUT OUR LOVE ONE. I KNOW MY JACK WOULD BE VERY SAD FOR ME THAT I LET THIS HAPPEN.

    SO, KEEP EATING, PRAYING FOR STRENGTH, AND BE CAREFUL. KAREN
     
    Van Gogh likes this.
  2. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member

    First, sending lots of hugs your way... I'm so sorry to hear you broke your arm. I hope it heals as quickly and as painlessly as possible!!! I think you mentioned in previous posts, that you have good neighbors (I have widow brain to the max lately!), and that one of Jack's good friend's lives near you. Please let them help in as many ways as they possibly can, so you can concentrate on healing.

    I agree that grieving is the most negative experience imaginable. Please be gentle with yourself. Your feelings are your feelings, trying to hide or run from them won't help. Eventually they'll catch up with you, and you'll be forced to deal with them. I find myself traveling deeper and deeper into my grief journey. The pain is becoming more unbearable (if this is even possible.) However, I know my husband, and I truly believe your husband, Jack, would want us to find meaning, a purpose in life that fulfills us, contentment, peace, and (hopefully) happiness again (although right now I can't imagine this).

    Sadly, in order to accomplish these things, we have to make it to the end of our miserable journeys without letting our grief destroy us. In order to avoid being swallowed up by grief until there's nothing left of me, I try to keep to a schedule. I start each day by finding something to be grateful for, I write about my feelings in a journal (just recently started doing this), force myself to get up, get dressed, eat breakfast every single day, and try to take as many walks as possible during the week. (Unfortunately it's been impossible lately because of lots of rain and extreme heat.) In addition to this site, I found a wonderful bereavement support group, and attend weekly meetings. I've gone out for lunch several times with a couple of people in my support group, and next weekend, another person in my support group invited everyone over his house for a BBQ. The BBQ is going to be difficult for me. It will be the first time I'm going to a social event without my husband. I'm (almost) positive something will trigger those uncontrollable tears. However, everyone at the BBQ is in the same shoes I'm in, so it makes it easier.

    I still hate being in my house, it still triggers the same memories from the last night my husband was alive. The bathroom door is still closed. I feel like I have PTSD.
    I'm still doing lots of "window shopping" on the days when I need to escape, when emotionally I'm too fragile to handle the total heartbreak of all those miserable memories popping in and out of my mind, powerless to stop them. I still spend way too much time on the couch, crying, a box of tissues by my side, my best friend. I still have way too many sleepless nights. I'm trying so hard not to let grief destroy me.

    Please take good care of yourself. Together, we will make it to the end of our miserable journeys.

    Sending lots more hugs your way... Wishing you peace, praying for peace for all of us.
     
    cjpines and Van Gogh like this.
  3. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for your loss. Im praying for your strength. I hope you heal soon. We definitely can't let grief consume us. Got to try to.do.what we can in our new norm. Take care of yourself
     
  4. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    00
     
  5. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Karen, just read your broken arm story,
    and identified with it. I'm so sorry about
    your extreme sadness over the death of
    your husband. A year after my wife died
    suddenly, 2 and a half years ago, I drank,
    stayed out late. and got the flu twice,
    because my immune system was low.
    Drinking made me more depressed, and
    caused me to cry even more. My grief
    counselor suggested I give up alcohol, and
    I did. I feel stronger physically, and less
    depressed, in general. But, I need a
    group like Grief in Common, because I
    still cry every morning before I walk
    outside. I think I'm getting a little better
    at using this site. I hope that you and
    others will reply to me. Thank you.
    Van Gogh
     
  6. Patti 61

    Patti 61 Guest

    Dear Karen, lifting you in prayer along with all of us through this journey of grief.
     
  7. Patti 61

    Patti 61 Guest

    So sorry for your loss.
     
  8. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Dear Karen, your Broken Arm story
    was deeply moving. As a widower of
    2 and a half years, I felt a kinship with
    you. I replied to you, but I'm still
    learning the ropes of this site. Hope
    we can comfort each other & others.
    Thank you. Van Gogh
     
  9. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    THANK YOU VAN G.
     
  10. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    THANK U DEBI. YOU ARE PROGRESSING WELL, GETTING OUT. I HOPE TO BE ABLE TO GET OUT AFTER MY ARM HEALS. CANT DRIVE, HOT WEATHER KEEPS ME IN. DEPRESSION BIG TIME.
     
  11. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Karen, thank you for acknowledging
    my reply to you. It must be awful to be
    stuck at home with your broken arm,
    in the heat. I've been going out for
    meals lately, bc the winter can be
    desolate. I've been depressed & have
    been sad to come home to an empty
    apartment. On the other hand, I'm not
    sure about being with another woman.
    Van Gogh
     
  12. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    AFTER 2 1/2 YEARS WHAT HAS HELPED YOU TO MOVE ON?
     
  13. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

     
  14. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Two places: the friendly Cheers-like
    bar which welcomed me. I don't drink
    now, but I have dinner at the bar, see
    old friends, and meet new ones. The
    other place is a pier, with shops, art
    galleries, and people, who love that we
    live in a small, seaside town, where we
    care about each other. I moved here
    after my wife died, so we didn't go to
    these places. I'm trying to start a new
    life, but it might be nice to share it with
    a new woman, but she would never
    "replace" my wife. Van Gogh
     
  15. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    YES, A NEW PERSON WILL NEVER REPLACE OUR LOVE ONES. BUT IT WOULD BE NICE TO SHARE WITH A COMPANION. SEEMS YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT PLACE. ENJOY YOUR LITTLE SEASIDE PARADISE. THANK U.