belongings

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by ainie, Jan 14, 2020.

  1. ainie

    ainie Member

    On the 11th it was 3 months since my Mike died. I am wondering how everyone has dealt with belongings. One day I feel it is time to start clearing things out. The next day I think everything needs to stay as it is. If I do change his office into my studio for painting will I regret it? I am confused because sometimes his things bring me comfort and sometimes the sight of the brings more pain. I wish je was here to help me decide.
     
  2. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    Disposing of a loved ones belongings is a very difficult task. Many, many tears left along with my Janet’s things. So many memories involved. But, It has to be done. Otherwise you run the risk of becoming a hoarder. Be selective. Talk to Mike while you are going through the memories. Personally, I think they can hear you. But that’s just my opinion.
    People think I’m a little wacky anyway.
    I’ve been texting Janet every day since she passed last October 18th. It helps me cope.
    We’re all just trying to get through the next minute, the next hour, the next day and so forth. Whatever works for you, even just a little, is worth it. We’re just trying to survive.
    I’m so very sorry for your loss, and I wish you relief from your pain.

    Bill
     
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  3. bel

    bel Member

    I find this very difficult too. It has been almost 5 months for me and I am only now able to bring myself to move some of my finance's things. I had family hounding me only a couple of weeks after trying to push me to clean up his things but I just waited until I was ready in my own time. His things were not hurting anyone by staying where they were. I still have plenty of his things that I am not ready to move so it feels like a little at a time is easiest for me.
    Hope you find your way with it
     
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  4. Kriss

    Kriss Active Member

    I went thru hubbys clothes a few months after his passing at the time I was in a fog a friend was over and started helping me Now 6 months later I regret going thru them when I did. I miss his clothes in the closet. I wish I would have taken more time. I know at the time my friend thought she was helping but I think we did it too quick. I needed more time. I still have all his other things to go thru and I will in time but it’s not time yet. I still have his hankie on the end table next to his chair..my family thinks I’m nuts that I need to get rid of it. I’ve had allot of them offer to come and box everything up for me for me to go thru later. No. I need to do it when I’m ready. When if ever will they understand this. It’s like they want me to forget about him and move on. I will never forget about him. He was and still is the love of my life.
     
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  5. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

     
  6. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    One thing that I’m sure of is don’t let anyone put a timeline on your Grief. You do things when it feels right to you. Seek help, ask questions and don’t worry about time. What you are going through is very personal and shouldn’t be rushed. When the time feels right TO YOU, that’s what you need to go by.
    When I finally sorted through Janet’s things I couldn’t hold back the tears. It was really difficult and I still tear up when I think about it. I’m satisfied that I finally did do it, although it was horribly difficult. You’re in charge of the timeline.
     
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  7. ainie

    ainie Member

    Thank you for your responses. Sounds like at some point you just know it is time. My house is in need of a good cleaning (while Mike was so very ill housework certainly took a backseat or as I say the housekeeper and the nurse had a fight and the housekeeper left). I have a friend from high school who has just offered to help me. I think we will start with the non-Mike things in the house and take it a day at a time. She knows me so very well and we think a lot alike so I hope that means she will be gentle with encouraging me. Another dear friend has offered help but she is a different temperament and just wanted to dispose of everything that was Mike's. I find even the things I am ready to let go I need time to hold them and remember before getting rid of it. Like I mentioned in another post I made a warm and cosy quilt from hubby's shirts but then had to hang the cut shirts back in the closet because I wasn't ready to see it empty. I think now those could go. I worry that if something should happen to me I don't want to leave my children the chore of cleaning up after us both. So I want to also sort and really clear my things at the same time.
     
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  8. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    I think you’re doing great. Doing it all on your own timeline and choice.
    Grief can’t be pigeonholed. Just keep doing what feels right to you.
    Keep us posted.
    Bill
     
    ainie likes this.
  9. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    The cleaning out of things pretty much has me paralyzed. I’m having such trouble with that. I love your idea of making a quilt, but I’m having trouble cutting the shirts. I’m planning on making pillows with some of his shirts if I can get past cutting them. I’m proud of you for doing that. You looked at the end project I’m sure. That’s what I’m trying to do. Happy for you that you have friends offering to help. I need to start the process. I will eventually. And taking his name off bank accounts! That feels awful. I haven’t finished with that process, so painful. How are people getting that done? I’m upset writing it.
    Good luck, take your time. I’m thinking of you! Robin
     
  10. Kriss

    Kriss Active Member

    I was told by our bank not to take the name off until 6 months to a year in case something would come with your spouse name on it