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Adult step daughter died by suicide

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by Mellartime, Aug 22, 2020.

  1. Mellartime

    Mellartime New Member

    Hello. Myself and my husband are going through a traumatic time. My husband has CPTSD, diagnosed 5 years ago from his work in nursing. his daughter, my step daughter, lived with us full time from 8 years old. The last 5 years she would not speak to us. She had mental health issues which seemed to become apparent around her 18th birthday. We had been trying to get her help and counseling which she rejected. She was picked up by police and admitted to hospital after her boyfriend reported her Missing and she was found At a lake 15 kms from her home which she had walked to and was swimming in near freezing temps. We finally thought we had a chance to get her help but her doctor released her without our knowledge, she was then 27. Her mental health worker left for another job and we no longer had contact to find out how she was doing.
    2 years later, a month before her 29th birthday, we were notified she was missing again and some of her items were found by the river that flows into a lake and then a dam. There was still ice on the lakes at this time. After 6 weeks the police noticed us that her remains were found. I can’t explain the stress of that waiting, every time the phone rang or a car pulled in our driveway waiting for that bad news. We lived on Atavan and sleeping pills. We are still in tears daily. We are trying our best to support eachother, I’m trying to be strong. I raised this sweet girl, from grade 3 to graduation I was there with her. Did homework with her every night. Read to her, bathed her, made her lunches. now? Now people ask me how her dad is, is he coping? Poor dad. Which is true. This might be so selfish but I feel like an outsider. No one acknowledges what I’m going through. 2 weeks after we were notified my step dad told me I need to “move on”. Only my sisters came to visit and helped out. Other than that We were left alone. My husband started drinking heavily and didn’t remember things he had said or done the next day. I feel so alone and so sad and I
    Beginning to resent him as well. I start counseling on Monday and am back at work, but other than that I have no energy and no drive. I want to go to sleep right after work. I can’t just sit outside and enjoy the sunshine, I just want to be in bed. I feel selfish saying all these things. I feel lost. I’m tired of being told to stay strong for my husband and be there for him. What about me? Sorry for going on and on. As a step parent we’re kind of left behind like nothing we are going through is as important as the “true” family members
  2. Curtpg

    Curtpg Member

    I can relate to other's not acknowledging the loss you suffered and the grief you're caring. My youngest son hung himself July 3rd. It was totally unexpected. His wife became a basket case. We were all very concerned and trying to support her. About a month after, her mother sent an email to all of us who loved Eric, telling us how much her daughter was suffering and how we all needed to be there for her . She never mentioned the loss and grief we, his family, were suffering. I admit to being angry.
  3. Shannon Lee

    Shannon Lee Member

    I'm so sorry. Absolutely do not apologize. You have every right to feel everything you are feeling, and you are far from being selfish.
  4. Curtpg

    Curtpg Member

    Thank you, I really needed to hear that today. How long ago did you lose your step daughter? I have an old school mate who's son is bipolar, I don't know where she gets the strength to carry on. It sounds like you've had the same struggles. I hope going to counseling helps you. My first couple sessions (I've never seen a therapist before so I didn't know what to expect) were pretty flat, but after I really opened up to her, when my depression was the lowest, I'm seeing hope. My regular doctor has been a lot of help too. He lost a son to suicide (I hadn't known) and has gone way out of his way to be there for me. He even gave me his cell number and told me to call anytime day or night. Pretty special person. I hope your husband can come to terms and get some help. I've never been much of a drinker, but for a while I was very tempted, willing to do just about anything to leave the pain even or a short time. We still cannot fathom why Eric took his life. It just doesn't fit! Take care, Curt
  5. Curtpg

    Curtpg Member

    I'm sorry, I thought that post was addressed to me. I can't find any way to delete.