Acceptance by adult kids of new relationship

Discussion in 'Dating Again After the Loss of a Spouse/Partner' started by Beth237, Aug 8, 2018.

  1. Beth237

    Beth237 New Member

    My husband passed away 10 months ago just after finalizing plans for our sons upcoming wedding.

    I have been taking baby steps with my 3 adult children (ages 18-28) which has felt right, but introduced the idea of my boyfriend (an old family friend who lost his wife 8 months prior to my spouse) attending the wedding.

    My son was quite definitive that he is not comfortable with the boyfriend attending (even as a family friend) knowing we are in a relationship.

    Do I defer to my son (after all it’s his big day?) or do I impress upon my son the importance of my boyfriend being there in hopes of him agreeing to let him come?
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Hi Beth, what a very good question! On the one hand, I think you should feel very good about the relationship that is developing. It's no easy thing to find comfort with another after the loss of a spouse and I believe many would welcome what you've found. In no way do I think you should feel bad about the relationship or to try and hide it from those you love. At the same time, as you said, it is your son's "big day". Perhaps such a big occasion that is already filled with such bittersweet emotion is not the time for such a big step. There will be time for your boyfriend to connect with the rest of your family, and I think it may be better in the long term if it's handled gently and slowly, and doesn't begin on bad terms. It's certainly worth expressing to your boyfriend how much you'd like him there but for this particular occasion you need to respect your son's wishes. I'm hoping that your boyfriend will understand and also want to ease into the family slowly and start things off on the right foot. I also think it's worth stating to your son that you are respecting his wishes in regards to his own wedding, but that he does not get to dictate the terms of your relationship and that you expect your boyfriend to be included in other family occasions and holidays going forward.
    This is no easy thing and I'm sorry that it's something you have to deal with at all. I wish you all the best...please come back and let us know how things turned out. Hoping for some peace for you in the days ahead~
    Nksouder, Shawnee and Linda Gale like this.