*DAYTIME AND EVENING GENERAL GRIEF GROUPS AVAILABLE EVERY WEEK* CLICK HERE TO JOIN US!

A year in heaven

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by NYCBASSIST55, Jul 12, 2020.

  1. Mona Lewis

    Mona Lewis Member

    The nights are the absolute worst. I have always been a night person but now it is even worse. Saw the sun coming up this morning before I finally fell asleep. And you are right once I finally get to sleep it is hard to get up to reality smacking you in the face again that your loved one is gone. Than I feel bad for sleeping so late in the day. Trying to improve this cycle. Sometimes I am successful, sometimes not.
     
    glego and JMD like this.
  2. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    So many little things can set one off. I was at Costco yesterday and they had some lightweight fall jackets on a table one was opened up a green canvas that I knew I would have bought for him it was just his color and style. Too many reminders.
     
  3. NYCBASSIST55

    NYCBASSIST55 Active Member

    I wanted to share this. I wanted my students at Stuyvesant High School to have some little bit of a normal Christmas. One of my favorite tunes is “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” and I arranged it for strings. At one place in the arrangement I couldn't get the voicing right. This one section of the song sounded awkward! I said to Colleen, “you gotta help me on this!”. Then I hear this bell like tone tapping out the melody that half the first violins had to play. I said to her, “Why couldn’t I think of that?”

    I don’t have the kind of talent where you just sit down and write something. This arrangement was worked out much faster than usual. I scanned the sheet music and sent it to my class. Within days the videos came back with some beautiful playing. We posted this on YouTube:

     
    Dee Kay and LivingWithGrace like this.
  4. NYCBASSIST55

    NYCBASSIST55 Active Member

    Listen to it. It doesn’t sound like high school but it is
     
  5. LivingWithGrace

    LivingWithGrace Active Member

    That was very nice. Thanks for sharing.
     
  6. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    I lost my husband 8wks ago and have been mostly recluse in the house not wanting to leave, so not much into friends, etc. The one thing that helps me is believing I will see him again which makes me not afraid of death anymore.
     
    JMD likes this.
  7. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad you reached out. There are many people on this site that have been through a similar loss and share your feelings. Be kind to yourself in your grief. It is a very slow and difficult process and can be unpredictable for you. I lost my husband in July unexpectedly, I don’t know how I have made it this long without him. I too believe that we will see each other once again, that keeps me going. I must believe. Until then I take one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. Praying for your comfort.
     
  8. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    My grief is getting worse after 8 weeks, going on 9 weeks. I thought I could handle it going through all the finances, bill paying and keeping up on house duties, then it started full time grief, crying, missing him. Does grief appear later on? I'm reading books, journals, etc. nothing is helping but maybe this forum???
     
  9. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    Your grief is your own, and can be very unpredictable. You are very early in your grief journey, and likely you are still feeling some shock and trauma from your loss. I still experience the back and forth, and thought I was losing it. Be very easy on yourself, there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and you will not have complete control over your emotions, especially now. I have to coach myself through one minute, one hour, one day at a time - and sometimes that changes, too. I am accepting that some days are really bad, and some days are better. My life will never be the same, and I don't necessarily want this one. I found it helpful to make a short list of things I wanted to accomplish for the day, and give myself a pat on the back if I get them done. Keep in mind, it might be just brushing your teeth, taking a shower, running the dishwasher. That's how disrupted your life can be. I did and still do find reading material about grieving to be helpful and sometimes grounding, however, the most helpful support has been talking through my emotions with others who are having the same experience, or those who knew Michael. Posting on this site helps also. I also try to do things each day to honor his life. I will say a prayer for your peace of mind. Continue to reach out, you are surviving even if it doesn't always feel like you are.
     
  10. Dee Kay

    Dee Kay Active Member

    Beautiful, thank you for sharing, such talented kids!
     
  11. Dee Kay

    Dee Kay Active Member

    Everything JMD says is exactly the same as what I would say. 9 weeks is so early, you've been in shock. This forum has helped me in reading others experiences to know I'm not alone and that we do all go through the same feelings. The only thing I can tell you is this is hard, I can't sugar coat it, but maybe knowing you're not alone might help? We've been where you are, I'm going on 9 months without my husband and it still feels like yesterday, I have no idea how I've gotten this far and have managed to "live" life, pay bills, get work done on the house, start a new job, all the while grieving and living through a pandemic that's isolating us even further. I did the same as JMD in that I made lists of basic things to accomplish, I had to do that because my brain was in fog mode and I couldn't focus. I didn't want to have any contact with anyone for close to 3 months so everything you're experiencing is normal. Be kind and gentle with yourself, let the tears flow. Sending hugs
     
    JMD likes this.
  12. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    I see from your profile that you are 76 and live in California. How long were you and your husband together? What is his name? It has always helped me to talk about Michael, it keeps him real even though he is physically gone. One day at a time, sometimes one hour or one minute. Going outside for fresh air seems to help me too, and since I believe Michael is in heaven, it helps to look up at the sky or the stars and talk to him and God as I believe they are together. I know this is a tough time for you, keep posting. I will pray for your peace.
     
  13. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    JMD, my husband name was Jack and we have been married 39 years. I have always been a believer in the all mighty, creator God and a hereafter. My husband was agnostic then became atheist. We had many conversations over this. So, before he died I told him I know you don't believe there is a God but I do, so I'll make sure I send you to Him. Partly a joke. So, is Jack in heaven? I want to believe he is.

    My daughter is dragging me out for a walk today, it's cold and I don't want to go. But, like you said fresh air helps. Seems anything I do is dragging myself to do it then I don't.
     
    Dee Kay and JMD like this.
  14. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    Wow, 39 years together is a long time. I am sure you had a deep love. There is no preparation for what this feels like. What I believe about heaven is that it is a bit different for everyone. If part of heaven to you means Jack will be there, then I believe he is there.
    I think sometimes we have to drag ourselves to do things in this grief journey, whether we really want to or not. Follow your feelings and don’t try to overdo anything. Eat, drink water, get fresh air, and surround yourself with those who care and understand. One day at a time. Praying for your peace.