Just about a week ago I went to the cemetery to visit my mother dearest and of course I began thinking about her. After she passed away I went through the grieving process and boy was it long and painful. A lot of years of stress, anxiety, and tears of course. Along with that, learning, growing and of course acceptance. It's been 14 years since she passed away and something new that I didn't see coming has began to cross my mind. Like I mentioned I've grown up a lot since she passed. I'm a completely different person, someone that obviously she never got to see. What's affecting me is that I've been asking myself how was my life with her. Thoughts like "this person was around once" are crossing my mind and it's bothering me a lot. The normal of life without her feels like I've lived it a lot longer than I actually have and the time that I did have her in my life seems so foreign. It feels like a second round of grieving even though I'm at peace with her gone and I have learned how to cope when the occasional hit me right in the feels crying session but the sound of her voice and her smile feel like they are fading from my memory and it's scaring me. I don't like it and I don't want that. It feels like I'm losing her all over again. After years of having lost a loved one, has anyone experienced something similar to this? How have you gone about it?
