A Safe Space to Grieve...

Discussion in 'Loss of Both Parents' started by ClareDaisyRose, Oct 10, 2019.

  1. ClareDaisyRose

    ClareDaisyRose New Member

    Hello fellow travellers of grief

    I stumbled across this site yesterday when I was feeling really depressed and lonely. I feel really grateful of you all and your courage to share and be vulnerable, thank you.

    I feel sad and angry that we can't access these spaces in our cultures physically though. There would have been a time when grief was honoured and there was ritual and ceremony as well as holding spaces for one another and now, along with other forms of socialising it's done within the confines of closed doors - what is going on with that? That said I am very grateful that this website exists it feels important - thank you Karyn

    4 years ago I lost my Dad, then the following year my Granny and friend and then 2 years ago my beloved Mum and best friend. 4 people in 4 years. All of these deaths were sudden but Mum's was especially sudden and unexpected. I can only describe it as being 'immobilised by grief' I just couldn't function properly for ages and I closed my business and then all these questions came up for me like;

    Who am I?
    What have I got to offer?
    What is my purpose for being here?
    Who can I trust?

    The trust one has been a biggie - do you find it difficult to know who you can really go there with?
    I have a difficult relationship with my brother, my extended family pretty much disappeared - I think they find me scary to be around because I'm not afraid of expressing my emotions and they bury theirs in true British fashion!

    Anyway as if it's not enough to suffer the grief and loss alone - there are all these other things coming at you from all angles aren't there?

    I read Christine Rasmussen's book 'Second Firsts' which I really recommend all about using grief to expand and grow into something new which is beyond your wildest dreams and I feel that is every bit possible and happening. I've moved house, changed my name, started life afresh .....but then a big wave of depression descends around me and suddenly I feel very alone and lost and vulnerable and unsure of which direction to go in or indeed who to be around.

    We are orphans, that hurts.

    Please reach out if you would like to fellow Warriors. Do you have anything to say about what I've mentioned? What has your experience of starting life after loss been?

    With love

  2. Emerginglight

    Emerginglight Member

    Hello Clare.

    Thank you so much for sharing at this difficult time in your life.

    I too stumbled across this site at a very low time in my life. My mum was diagnosed with cancer in January and passed in May. I feel traumatized just thinking about what she went through and watching her take her last breaths on this earth. Yet everything happened so fast. One minute she was here and the next gone. Quite frankly, I don’t think I will ever be the same again. It’s only my faith in God that keeps me sane and still alive.

    The questions you asked yourself made me smile, but not with joy. I smiled because someone else has similar questions. The most important of my questions seemed to be, ‘Who am I without you? ‘ I realize my mum was a large part of my life. Now I feel bewildered and lost as I try to move from one day to the next.

    I understand what you say about your family...My family do find it hard to understand what I’m going through. Each of us are grieving in our own way. I don’t want to put the full weight of my distress on my sisters as they are trying to cope with this new normal too. We are all trying to stand without falling. But they are not as emotional as I am. I’m not so good at reining in my feelings. At times, they overwhelm me. That’s when I pray.

    I am an adult orphan now too. Just saying these words hurt. It’s like, you belong to no-one. And just thinking how important I was to my mumbhurts. No one on this earth will ever love me, and my sisters, in that way again. I pause.

    Like you, I experience waves of depression and feelings of vulnerability. While I’m trying to grapple with losing my mother, I fear more loss. My mind is wondering who will be next and when. I find myself looking at those who remain and thinking of life without them. I feel more detached from this world.

    Having somewhere to air our thoughts is important. There are things we can’t share with others as not to overwhelm or alarm them.

    Anyway, thanks again for opening up. It’s not easy to do fellow grief traveller.

    In time we will all develop strategies to cope with our pain.

    Peace be with you.