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30 years +

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by Cdrake118, Nov 2, 2020.

  1. Cdrake118

    Cdrake118 New Member

    I lost my mom over 30 years ago when I was just a toddler to a drunk driver and unfortunately still dealing with the effects. I have not had an easy life since but even still I do find it hard to connect with anyone who has even similar circumstances as mine. I try to explain but either they make it about themselves or just change the subject. Im just looking someone to talk to who may undea bit. And I'm also hear to listen!
     
  2. aprilelyse

    aprilelyse Member

    Hello, I lost a parent 20 years ago as a teen. I too am still dealing with it. I know what you mean about people not wanting to talk about it. I feel like not talking about my grief had contributed to not getting over it. Please feel free to reach out me if you'd like to talk.
     
  3. SeaShell

    SeaShell Member

    Hello to both of you,
    I can relate to what you are saying.
    I lost my Mom 20 yrs ago to pancreatic cancer. We were shocked since she seemed so healthy.I really miss her. I feel she was cheated out of her retirement years and her years to relax and enjoy family and grandchildren. I talk her daily, cry often from missing her. My Dad recently died at 90. Now, no parents to share my life with, just memories. At least dad had a longer life. It’s just overwhelming to think of my future and them not physically being here to share with. So that’s my little back ground. AND yes it’s so crazy and bizarre how no one really wants to talk about it. At my job my co workers are pretty self centered but I always make an effort to recognize their milestones- engagements, weddings , pregnancy, births, vacations, ask about their illness or family or even death in family. So when I came back a week after my DAd’s death, which everyone knew about. No one. No One in my department said anything to me, offered condolences, sympathy, etc. one coworkers said she didn’t realize I was “going thru all that stuff” when she sent me a text the day my dad died regarding a work thing. So essentially my dad was stuff to her. And other coworkers couldn’t waste a breath on saying they were sorry for my loss. To me this seems so crazy , rude. It has definitely made me not speak about anything but work with them. I just can’t believe people are that ignorant. Or perhaps I am overly sensitive. But I don’t think so. I hate to sound mean and bitchy but these people are pathetic. Why can’t people share conversations these days. Why do so many people only think of themselves? Ugh, so frustrating . My dog always listens to me, is nice to me, and doesn’t hog the conversation.
    Ok that’s my rant.
    Hope people you work with are nicer than my turd coworkers .
    Hugs ... and happy to hear and listen to you as well
    Shelley
     
  4. aprilelyse

    aprilelyse Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. The phenomenon where your grief makes *other people* uncomfortable is simply bizarre and needs to change. You are not overly sensitive. This is a huge thing that has happened and the only difference from what people normally talk about is that its very sad instead of happy. But just because it is sad shouldn't mean people avoid acknowledging it. I think that if people had acknowledged my loss so many years ago it would have really helped me. If people encouraged me to feel comfortable speaking about it I think I might have handled it better. But instead I was encouraged to move on and let it go. The idea of doing that feels completely impossible and unnatural when you are in so much pain over your loss. So it makes it worse.
     
  5. SeaShell

    SeaShell Member

    Thank you for your reply. And thankfully here on this site we can talk about our feelings and have others acknowledge our thoughts. What a difference it would have made for myself and you and others who have suffered such personal loss and sadness If others would just acknowledge that loss. And if a friend would allow us to chat about our loss and sadness. But people just avoid either out of awkwardness or just not caring. I learned as a child growing up to at the very least acknowledge someone’s loss of pet , grand parent, parent. So another reason I think my parents were so great by teaching me manners, compassion. But it seems extra bizarre when I offer condolences to a co worker on the death of their family member, yet they can’t acknowledge mine. I would think they would be sensitive to that . But perhaps it’s just all about their world. But can’t dwell on other peoples behavior. We are here on this site to listen and support each other. Sometimes just talking about what you miss most, are most thankful for, or funny stories about your parent can be therapeutic. So I and others are here if you want to share anything. I miss the simple, funny things in life that my parents would laugh with me about. They brought calmness when things seemed overwhelming.
    Hugs to you..
     
  6. Flyjinx

    Flyjinx New Member

    I’m terribly sorry for your loss. I feel the same way sometimes, trying to express how hard it is after losing my mom over 40 years ago when I was only 2. As I have moved through my adult life I am finding more and more that my grief bucket is full, and it’s well past time I start trying to empty it out. My anger bucket is full too, and I need some relief in that regard. I am new to this website and am looking for the same type of support to supplement the work I’m doing in counseling already. My life-long grief has effected every relationship I’ve ever had from a personal and professional standpoint. It’s time to change that.
    Keep talking and sharing at your pace and comfort level. There are plenty of us here to listen.