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2020 is not being kind..

Discussion in 'Loss of Sibling' started by Karly92, Apr 22, 2020.

  1. Karly92

    Karly92 New Member

    Hi
    I guess this is my attempt to let go of a lot of feelings since i feel I'm loosing it.

    I lost my little sister on April 9th after 3 years battling osteosarcoma..a bone cancer that eventually became metastatic and her lungs were compromised. She was 26 and had to be cremated due to the pandemic situation.

    We talked about death on a few occasions and she told me she was more scared to die because she was worried my parents and I would not recover from her loss. At that time, i always told her not to worry about us, but worry and use her strength so she could get better...but now, i get why she was worried... i feel like we are not doing great.

    Cancer is the worst thing in the world
    It's and unfair illness
    And it's an unfair world...

    I've been feeling a hole in my chest since she died. I miss her terribly and being in quarantine is not helping much...

    Losing a sibling hurts so much more mostly because we end up losing also our best friends, the ones we dreamed of sharing our entire lives, the ones we talked endlessly and made plans to grow old... in a non romantic way hehe

    It has been hard to picture a future without her in it...
     
  2. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Karly,

    That is a great picture of you both. I am saddened by the loss of your sister, and hope with time you will be able to recover from all the terrible feelings you are having.

    Cancer is something we are never prepared to face. My dad and wife both passed from cancer.

    With this period of isolation and all the bad news it is hard to sometimes even face the day, let alone even make it through it. We don't know when and if it will ever pass, and so it is hard to wish for something specific. As you turn and watch just one tv news show you are constantly reminded of while everyone is trying their best, it is something none of us have ever faced before.

    Because of this great unknown, we are forced to keep apart, remove ourselves from our jobs, take each day with no promise of what tomorrow will bring. It is harsh not being able to be with the one we loved during their most desperate time. Then to take the end of life options decisions from us is disheartening.

    So having to face all this dread, we have to find a way to exist. To cope with our losses.

    Karly, of course, you are facing this sorrow for your sister. This time in your life should not be met alone. Speak with family, speak with friends, and also reach out to professionals if only by phone or the internet, and lastly speak to us as well. We here have seen so many losses in our lives. We understand what loss and loneliness unfortunately feels like.

    It will take time to recover from this loss. But please know, your sister is still with you, in your mind, in your heart, in your words, in your daily interactions. She will always be there right by your side. You shared so much in life and it will just take time to learn to cope with the loss of your sister.

    I hope you will make sure never to give in to despair, as that can lead to depression. Also, please understand it will take time to come to terms with the loss. Please stay safe and take care. Peace be with you.

    -david

    This song is for you

     
    Karly92 likes this.
  3. Karly92

    Karly92 New Member

    Hi David,
    Thank you for your reply.
    I will look for profesional help as soon as it get's safer to go out.

    I've been talking a lot with my friends and family but sometimes it gets more exhausting because I feel like they try too hard to understand what I'm feeling so at they end, they don't help much.

    I hope it does gets a little bit better day by day since I know this is something will live in me forever.

    Thank you for the song, btw :)
    It made me cry but because of good memories :)
     
  4. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Karly,

    Loss is never easy to face. Sure it is unique to you, but as you find that it takes so many days to overcome your heartache. Even if some don't know how to talk with you by trying they are showing concern for you.

    As the days slowly pass and you no longer have your sister by your side it will be hard to face. My wife Nadine before she passed, lost both of her brothers and one sister. I was with her each time she received the call. Each new call took a toll on her jut like it weighs so heavily on your heart and mind.

    Nadine cried many tears, found some days so unbearable, and yet she never gave up even as she was fighting cancer herself. I have shed and endless amount of tears for her and others in life, as you will for your sister. I found, she found, that by sharing and talking with others, sure it was hard, but it helped us both meet each new day and its challenges.

    Karly, when I select a song for someone, it is not for entertainment, it to help them feel their loss. Sure it is unfair any of us will ever face the loss of someone we have loved in life. Please understand that during our times of being isolated, use other means like you are to stay connected to others. The phone and internet are a savior in that regard for us when we feel so sad and lonely.

    Just know, here there are many others who have been affected by the loss that will reach out to you in your time of need. Please make sure to not give in to despair. Make sure to take care of your well-being. Peace be with you.

    -david

    Here is another song is for you - Musicgirl pointed me to it

     
  5. Dave B.

    Dave B. Member

    Sorry for your loss, Karly. I lost my brother two years ago, and the emotions can feel overwhelming.

    When it happened, a friend who lost his own brother told me, “This will be the longest and shortest year of your life.” And that was true. Some days dragged on forever, while others were a blur. My emotions were all over the place — happy and driven to experience life one day and a crying, bitter blob the next.

    All of that is natural. I stopped judging my grief or putting my grief on a timeline. It takes time, but the sharpness does relent. More often these days, I’m able to remember my brother with a smile, though I still have sad times, too, and that’s OK.

    I’m learning to make peace with my sadness. He was a guy worth missing. I bet your sister was, too.

    We’ll always miss our loved ones, and eventually we can heal, too. Therapy helped me so much in that regard. I’d highly recommend looking into it now, even before quarantines or lockdowns are lifted. Most therapists will still do teletherapy through video chats. Depending on where you are, you might not even have a copay, as some states are waiving them during the crisis.

    Video chats might not be ideal, but it still helps me, and I’m confident it would help you, too. If you’re anything like me, feeling even 10% better is a huge relief. And while it probably doesn’t seem like it now, you will definitely feel better.

    Best wishes,
    Dave
     
  6. Zestylady

    Zestylady Member

    Oh man! I totally resonate with you guys! This year SUCKS! Just saying. Multiple losses within a pandemic. Nothing feels normal anymore. I march thru life as an automaton. My family pretends it’s all okay. It is not okay. I’m thankful to find people willing to grieve “outloud.”