LOST HUSBAND SUDDENLY 6 MONTHS AGO

I am new to this site and looking to "talk" with someone. My husband died suddenly April 3rd of Cardiovascular Disease. He was only 67. We did not know he had this disease and it was a huge shock. He was retired and had mowed the yard that afternoon. I came home from work and found him sitting in a chair on the back porch slumped over in a chair. I called 911 but I knew I had lost him. I had just talked with him less than 4 hours earlier and he was fine. The required autopsy indicated he was in rough shape and we did not know it. The heart attack he had is called "widow maker" as there is not much warning and happens quickly. I have had a couple of doctors tell me that is how they want to go. I am sad and angry as I was not ready to lose him but am grateful he did not linger or suffer long. Last month (September 19th) would have been our 27th anniversary. He was my best friend, soul mate and rock. I am still in shock to a certain degree Most days I do okay, but it's the little things that get to me, then I fall apart. I don't have any children, he did but I'm not very close to them. I am close to my brother who checks on me often. I also have 2 grown nieces. I know they love me and want to help. My brother always want to do something for me but I don't know what they can do. They are all busy with their own lives and families. I have a very busy career and a phenomenal work family. I am very close to some of them and see them more than I see my family. My job and taking care of household matters keep my mind occupied but sometimes I want to just sit, think of him and our wonderful life together and cry my eyes and heart out.
I'm not sure what I need or want, other than wanting the pain to end. I lost my mother (after a year long illness) almost 3 years ago. Her last year was a difficult one and my husband was my strength and rock during that time. As difficult as it was losing my mother, losing my husband/ best friend has been so very different and more difficult.

Thank you for listening

 

I am so very very sorry for your loss. Our situations are similar except I did not have 27 years.

I tend to believe that the grief steps are not a one size fits all. Loss is lonely and emotionally turbulent, be kind to yourself.

 

I suddenly lost my husband in a car accident 11 months ago.... went to work and never came home. We never got to say good-bye. He was 52.

It is horrible, Becky.... we did not have children either. People say time will heal some of our pain. I hope that is the case.

 

Thank you John&Sharon. I am so very sorry for your loss as well.

 

Thank you Penny. I am sorry for your loss as well.

 

Beckvm, Im so sorry for your loss. You could be talking about me just about. I lost my husband on August 1st. To a heart attack. We were married 36 years . We have three daughters, but there have their own lives and are grieving too. I dont want to be a burden. He was only 63 yrs old. I miss hom so much. This just sucks. I dint plan to live my life alone. We had plans. I dont know what do do now. I dont have ambition to do anything. Just making it thru the day at work is hard. I dont want to be here in this house alone. Im so lost. I really feel like i cant do this.

 

Peggy,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel. I can tell you it has gotten a little easier. I still fall apart and cry at times, however I am adjusting to being alone and making decisions on my own. It does get easier. Anytime you need to talk, I'm here. What part of the country are you in?

 

Im in Marion texas, outsude San Antonio.

 

I am outside of Houston. You can do this. We can do this together. Cry as often as you need to. I'm sharing these words with you but I'm talking to myself at the same time. Take it one day at a time, somedays it's moment by moment, but cry when you need to. Take care of yourself.

 

Take care of you too. I just want him back.