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Loss of husband

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Dianne_311, Apr 1, 2019.

  1. Dianne_311

    Dianne_311 New Member

    I lost my husband to a sudden stroke a few months ago We have been together for thirty years. Just going through daily routines I guess until I don't know what, until I can get used to what is my new life, a life I don't want. I am trying to plan some trips to give myself something to look forward to.
     
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Hi Diane, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. The loss of a spouse is so significant as it impacts every part of our daily life and routine. It takes time - a lot of time - more time than we can expect, to try and adjust to a life we don't want (funny you used those words because I say that all the time).
    Giving yourself something to look forward to is a wonderful coping tool - as is trying to find people to connect with who can understand the depth of the pain you are feeling. I'm glad you have found us and I hope we can be a help to you.
     
  3. Angelina

    Angelina Member

    Hi Diane, I am very sorry for your loss and can relate entirely. I lost my dear, sweet husband of 28 years in November after a 4 month struggle with cancer. It nags at me - who am I in this world without him? I am trying not to look to far ahead. I find that although I am so, so sad, if I stay in the moment I can laugh when the opportunity presents itself, enjoy the stories of my friends the way I always have, share my stories and in general feel like myself some of the time. Contemplating the years ahead really scares me - I don't want to see myself without him. This feeling that I have like the sky has fallen is somehow more manageable in the moment. It is really hard to articulate. I get it though, this is very intense.
     
  4. Dot Reichart

    Dot Reichart New Member

    I lost my husband of 25 yrs. from a stomach aneurism. He was working 3 hrs away, I was 10 min from hospital when dr. Called and had me pull over so he could tell my husband had passed. So I sat on the side of the road alone and in shock. can not seem to find a way to move forward. I am sad all the time, all I seem to do is go through the motions anymore. Everything in my life flipped upside down. I really try to start new everyday, but doesn't seem to work. I feel like everyone avoids me, being around me sad all the time, friends have moved on not knowing what to say. Family has gone on with their daily lives. After 6 months I still cant eat much or sleep, I have this huge hole that my husband use to fill. I know I have to find my new normal, just cant seem to get there.
     
  5. Angelina

    Angelina Member

    Dot, I am so sorry. I know that terrible hole in the soul well. I have three grown children. That helps me try to be brave or just act like I am. They have their own heartache to deal with so I try hard to show them that I am sad but OK. My sister lost her husband 6 weeks before my loss. She told me that she was going to have a year of “yes”. If someone asks her to do something she says yes. Lost and without a plan of my own I am doing that also. I don’t want to do anything but I make myself. I can’t say that I am fine but I do have some normal moments when I can step away from the sadness and be there for other people. Sometimes it feels like I am pretending but sometimes it feels good. It is so hard. I lost my dad when I was 26 and my mom 4 years ago. I learned from those losses that grief is very isolating. While talking to people is comforting and reminds me that I am connected to others in this life, the grief is mine to bear.
     
  6. dmw55

    dmw55 New Member

     
  7. dmw55

    dmw55 New Member

    Hello Dot,
    Just found this site, and I am truly sorry for your loss. Lost my husband of 33 years 19 months ago, sudden, never saw it coming. 3 months later we lost a grandson, just had turned 23. Together we have 8 kids, all grown, the youngest was "ours", she is now 30. Trying to be "ok" for the kids/grandkids, but feel so isolated, I have lost 17 pounds, don't sleep much..............some days are better than others, today I feel doomed. Stay to myself mostly, retired from Hospital of 30 years after all of the loss, got one on one counseling with Bereavement person, she was helpful, but on my own now. No words for this type of pain/sorrow, I avoid crowds, people in general as most conversations I feel agitated, not their fault, but unless you have been in this "new life" we didn't ask for, hard to find comfort. I have no clue what the "new normal" would even be, as like you, my husband was and still is my best friend. Prayers for you.