New to site, widowed 6, weeks, WTF,!!!

I totally agree. If it keeps you busy, do it.....My problem is getting started on something and keeping my mind on it.

 

My god, were the same person. how do we go on?

 

My husband of 35 years died on 12/16/19, my only child died on 5/15. I don’t know how to go on, it feels like my life has been erased, only pain is left.

 

I totally understand.. I'm so sorry about all of that for you. I lost 3 within 2 1/2 mos. this year. I'm still trying to deal with the pain and loneliness. Very much anxious/depressed.

 

Three losses, I am so sorry. I read your earlier posts, I totally get it. Tried to register for grief counseling and was told to fill out 13 forms! I can’t even take a

 

Shower! See, can’t type either.

 

My counselor isn't working out for me either! Doesn't research that Jerry has passed before asking me stupid questions to ask him! Really? Showers are hard for me too. going to bed without one tonite

 

I just lost my lone on June 12...he was my everything....i don't know how to do this thing called life without him

 

So far my life has turned into being a robot just existing. All I do is think and talk to Jerry Mom and Maggie. Nothing feels real anymore except the loneliness and hurt. Covid has made this all worse. I just feel I don't belong anywhere but home anymore. I'm so sorry you are going through this also. Wish I had a magic wand to make it all better for us.

 

All of this resonates so personally to me. My love has been gone 25 days now so I know I am new to this soul crushing pain. I am so sick of people asking me how am I doing.....how the f*&$ do you think I am doing? My soulmate is gone, my dreams are gone, my plans are gone, my future is gone. I am 49 and a widow. How the hell do you think I am feeling? I know they have to ask and I am in a very small town so even going to the grocery store ends in at least a dozen people stopping me. I want to just stay home with only my closest friends to visit. They get it...they don't ask if I disappear or just start crying ...they are just there...they don't have to say anything and won't unless I need to talk. Came back to work in my office yesterday for first time since March. I've been working from home and how I wish I still could. Co-workers don't know how to act. I don't know how to act. Everything is a reminder of what I have lost. I feel like I am drowning most of the time and if I do manage to have some joy it just comes crushing back down when it hits me all over again. He died 3 days before his birthday, his service was on his birthday and the following Saturday was Father's Day. I feel caught in an undertow. ...can't get up long enough to breath.

 

I feel your pain. I really do. Jerry was 3/19, Our 10th wedding anniversary 4/16, My mom was 5/8, then Mother's Day, then Maggie 5/12, My birthday 5/15.....Happy birthday to me right? I know that back to work feeling also. It's like everyone is different because they don't know what to say and don't say anything or others are the opposite 'how are you holding up?', 'how are you doing?', etc. Then the covid thing where we are masked and distancing. I work in a medical clinic. We are all scared....that to top my anxiety....and depression. I have 2 friends that are like the ones you described. They understand when I leave the room crying. They are about 25 miles from me. I'm alone with 4 fur babies in the country so things are starting to get overwhelming. I seem to have slowed down from the 'hit the ground at 90mph at 4am and don't slow down until I fall into bed'....I used to get so much more done when they were here. Now there's no motivation. I'm 12 yrs older than you. Everything is gone....

 

Tammy,
I’m so sorry for your loss, this thing called life is the hardest thing to deal with alone. The pain and loneliness are overwhelming. Who knew we could hurt this bad. We’re learning and it sucks. When we lose our soul mate, nothing feels the same, nothing feels right, all our dreams and plans get crushed. You’ve come to the right place though, everyone here understands what you’re feeling.
I lost my “healthy” husband to a massive heart attack. Taken from me in 2 hours. He wasn’t sick, and had no health issues and then gone from me forever. He loved life, we loved life together. We were together 24/7. Ran our business together and I had to close it. We planned to retire this year, now I’m retired and alone. Won’t be traveling or doing any renovations that we planned. It’s hard.
Your story is heart wrenching, I’m happy that you have a few close friends that are giving you support, that’s important. I know most people don’t know how to act around us. So in my case, many stayed away, that’s a terrible feeling too. Then there’s even more loneliness. You’ve expressed it well, feeling like you’re caught in an undertow and can’t breathe. That is the feeling.
However your loss is still so raw, so resent, you need to take care of you and only do what you have to. My loss is 19 months ago, I didn’t find this site until it was 11 months since Ron’s passing. I was not doing well at all, this site has helped me immensely, and I’m sure it can help you too. Visit this site often, read and share stories, you’re not alone in how you feel, we all understand and sharing stories helps so much.
There will be better days ahead, it takes time but it will happen eventually. Take a day at a time, or hour or moment. Baby steps.
Robin

 

Agree with you immensely Robin.

 

The future that seemed assured us vanished. We are alone with our sorrow, memories are all we have to sustain us. It’s not FAIR. Never will be, but it’s the reality we are left with. Sorry to be such a downer, but 7 months after my husbands death and two months after my only child’s death this is my perspective . Hope I’m proven wrong.

 

No, it is not fair....it sucks. My heart aches for you. Memories are double edged for me. They make me smile but also wrench my heart into pieces because they are a constant reminder of what will never be again. I don't want to be in this reality I find myself in. I want to turn back the clock. I have my faith but I also don't understand why crappy, selfish people live long lives and my love had to go. I long for just one more day, one more I love you, one more touch. I pray every night to dream of him. Again, my heart aches for you and I feel your pain and sorrow.

 

It's been almost 3 months for me. He was the great love of my life and so much more. We had been in a passionate love affair for nearly 31 years. I was 15 when we started dating. He's been the only man I've ever loved. I find myself lonely for him all of the time, but longing for a connection . I feel shocked that I feel this way already and terrified at the thought of possibly dating or sharing anything with anyone else.

 

I also am unable to hide the look of terror and grief. I tell myself i will be reasonable and not wear out the people who are trying to help me, and then I hear myself begging them to help me. All of my friends and family, including my pets, are traumatized by my reaction.

 

We seriously need to stop worrying about hurting, worrying or wearing out the people in our lives! The pain is real, intense and raw. We have to feel it, process it, and then do it again and again. Every bleeping day .... we don't have a choice, we have to in order to process it. Our mind and hearts and souls are all grieving at the same time. I've had a lot of trauma in my childhood, but nothing compares to this! But, I in the middle of all of this I am starting to feel happiness again. Being able to laugh and really feel it is healing. Blaring the music and singing in the bathroom for better acoustics when I'm home alone.Dancing in the living room, even though it used to be our thing, I'm doing it! It all makes me feel like myself again, a little like I felt when I was with him...

 

That gives me hope. People meaning well tell you this is your new normal, your heart will be broken forever, and you will never be the same. That scares me. I am glad to hear you are starting to feel like yourself again.

 

YES!!!!