Abc,
Having the one we love no longer with us is one of the toughest things we will ever face in life. I am sorry for your loss, and hope there will be better days ahead for you.
I see you are one of the heroes in life, who take care of those most vulnerable in life, for that thank you. Please don’t ever dwell on those bad thoughts you have for yourself.
Being at a loss on how to cope with your current situation, especially with covid-19 and shelter in place orders we all might be under is an impossible time. It is going to take some time for you to recover.
Now that you have found this site, you are among people who have suffered so many losses in their lives. My own wife of 42 years passed from cancer, it will be 5 years next month. What I found was this loss affected me so much, especially because as time passed those who said their sorries moved on.
I searched after leaving Facebook.com, after my account had an attempted hacking and closed both my wife’s and my account. So I searched for other places to release my emotions that kept building up inside of me. Tears were plenty, I felt sorry for myself, but I did not give up on life, or myself.
I talked to a therapist, to priests and so many people over and over. The one thing I kept realizing as I talked and opened up my emotions were raw, so very raw, I would cry, have a heavy feeling inside and just didn’t know what to do.
So as I searched for other sites to talk to others, I started watching videos of so many things. I opened all my albums, all my old home videos, all the slides we had collected during our years together and took my time to absorb what I had lost.
Let me also say Nadine, my wife was an amazing person, as you must be as well to become a doctor. She experienced so much in life, but never put herself above others, she always found a way to talk to others. She had an acute memory ability, one that you would say is abnormal, I used to admire her for how she resolved so many things in life.
Abc, while life might seem hopeless right now that is your grief taking ahold of you. It is not easily overcome and takes time to recover from your broken heart. Now, I kept watching videos, some of pet rescues, some of people helping other people and still others of wedding proposals, I have known crazy since my wife had passed on.
I found that each of these videos were videos with happy endings, sure they would not change my life, but they somehow made me feel so much better inside each time I watched. Tears flowed freely.
Then I started listening to music. What I found was that at first violin music seemed to affect me the most for some reason. Sure music with words is also great, but those violins seemed to help me calm down inside more and more each day. As time has passed I have started to increase my Youtube.com collection, you see in real life I have accumulated over 3k music of all sorts, vinyl, 8-track, cassette, tape recordings.
I am not sure how much you love music but this is just some of the music I have added to my channel
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkOiFVSICXoJFxZsKk4micA/playlists?view_as=new+visitor
You should be able to listen to anything there without subscribing. You can see all the violin music I added.
I have so much more to say but don’t wish to talk too much right now and scare you off. Just take you time slowly right now, and focus on your own well being. You come first, today forward.
We are all here to listen, and are friendly. Talk when you like.
I wish to provide you with this melody. There are no words, just music and dance
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