Will it stop?

Discussion in 'Dealing With Multiple Losses' started by Susan Hofflander, Jan 13, 2018.

  1. Susan Hofflander

    Susan Hofflander New Member

    I don't know the answer to that question. I thought I did at one time. I've just joined this group. I find that the local grief support groups aren't helpful for me because I have such an enormous grief dump to deal with. I've lost so many people in recent history, year after year. Here's my list: 2010 sister, 2011 husband, 2012 dad, 2013 mom (both my parents died on Christmas Eve a year apart), 2014 1st cousin and uncle, 2015 1st cousin and life-long friend, 2016 sister and life-long friend, 2017 20 year old nephew. Also in this time period, my son was deployed to Afghanistan, my surviving sister had a brain aneurysm, we declared bankruptcy, lost our house and moved 3 times in one year. It's. Just. Too. Much. In 2017, before my nephew was killed, I went through some pretty intensive therapy and that's been enormously helpful to my balance and well being. I've also written a show about my experience of grief. I have my first performance of it in February 2018. I'm hoping I can be helpful on this forum and receive help from all of you when I'm back in the vortex. As we've all learned, it's kind of a boomerang effect, there are times when you peek out from behind the curtain and you feel pretty good, and then another day comes or an aroma wafts through the air or you see something at the store and, BAM, you're not in the same place anymore. As to "Will it Stop?". I don't know. I'm just trying to figure out how to take it one day at a time......
    APurpleReign and Mona15 like this.
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Susan, thank you so much for being here. I am so sorry to hear of the losses you've had...and I think you've said it bed. It's just too much. It's more pain and loss than we could have ever have expected to have to deal with and it doesn't leave a lot of places to turn. Those who deal with multiple losses can suffer with the pain of losing so many people they love, with the support system that dwindles with fewer loved ones in it, and the lack of understanding from people who have not experienced something similar.
    I'm glad you have found us and hope you can find some support here.
    Your show sounds amazing! What a wonderful outlet, for the pain and the energy and the searching that comes with grief...I hope it is helpful and healing for you. Please report back to tell us all about it! And please know we are here to help in any way we can. Please take care~
  3. Mona15

    Mona15 Member

    Susan, I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through mine started and 2013 when I lost my brother-in-law to cancer and in 2014 my nephew was murdered then in 2015 I lost my son in law to cancer on Christmas Day buy 2017 my depression got so bad that I had to be committed into a psychiatric facility to get on medication for depression I'm doing a little better now but there's some days that I still can't get out of bed I'm hoping talking with others that are going through the same thing will help even more maybe someday I'll be able to get off the medication
  4. rlm

    rlm New Member

    Multiple losses. PTSD. Reliving devastating pain, moment by moment.

    My therapist told me I didn’t lose my friends, I’ve lost my sisters. He’s right. Bff commited suicude in 1998 and now, current BFF is suffering from brain cancer. Lingering much longer than projected... she’s exhausted and feels cheated. I’m overwhelmed, maintaining my composure for her benefit & I feel cheated. Reliving the grief of loss while trying to project optimism, hope & support.

    My spouse resents my sadness, depression, grief. And I am struggling to be heard, while maintaining composure and supporting my friend as she comes to her end.

    I’m lost in all of this. Devastated but rallying to support her.
    Mona15 likes this.
  5. Mona15

    Mona15 Member

    I'm sorry you're going through this I'm still trying to get through the pain of the losses of the Murder of my nephew and the death of my son-in-law to cancer they both were only in there 30s my nephew left behind 5 children and my son-in-law left behind our daughter and our 4 grandchildren I feel lost and alone all the time I've been put on meds and I started feeling better then the day my nephew was murdered and Christmas day came our Son-in-law died on Christmas Day 2015 and now I'm having more bad days then good ones.
  6. rlm

    rlm New Member

    You wrote a show about grief and you’re performing it? Is this a one person show? Is your performance anywhere near the Boston area?