Why does it seem to happen at Christmas

In December 2017 I lost my wife to Cancer. Although married late in life, we had an extremely close and loving relationship. I hate the term "soulmate" because it seems over used, but she and I fit each other perfectly.

It was quite sudden although it should not have been. She had been having "belly" pains on and off for a couple years, and had been seen several times in various ERs. She was diligent always following up as directed, frankly much more so than I was when I met her. Since meeting her, I have become the poster boy for the orthopedic community with both shoulders made out of titanium and a knee and the other knee is already scheduled for late November. She intended to spend a lot of quality time with our grand kids.

She woke me on a Saturday morning about 4am in pain wanting to go to the ER, and I drove her. She was admitted after a CAT scan that didn't show anything (like all the rest). They determined she had a build up of fluid in her belly and lung cavity and drained it. They took nearly 2 liters of fluid out. About 24 hrs later they told us there were signs of cancer in the fluid. I was concerned, but thought that we had caught it early so was cautiously optimistic, which was a mistake. The doctors decided to do exploratory surgery and about 20 minutes later told us she was stage 4, but wasn't sure at that point what kind of cancer. She had a colonoscopy 4 months earlier so I didn't think it was colon cancer. It was, but it took about a month to find out.

She was sent home on a Friday night and that was the last night we spent in the same bed. The next day she started throwing up about 6:30pm and I called 911 and she was transported to another closer hospital. She sat in a low priority room for about 6 hours when she aspirated. The ER doc asked for permission to put her on a vent, and I gave permission, by this time it was early Sunday morning. She was stabilized sort of and sent up to the ICU and it was 5 hours later that they let me see her. She still wasn't stable, but the ICU nurse was far and away the most skilled I have seen, and eventually we got the tube out. She was on a lot of pain meds, and the doctors clearly wanted us to toss in the towel, but we had talked and I knew she'd want to fight if able. She was able to talk, but not to express her wishes which left me and her kids (I wasn't related to them) to make the fateful decision. She lasted less than a week, and we took her to Hospice and the next day took off her O2 and she passed 5 minutes later on December 15th. We did get to say goodbye, and that actually made a big difference.

I won't bore you will the rest, but will offer some learnings (in no particular order)

1. Even though you may have had a colonoscopy and multiple CAT scans, you still can have cancer.
2. You might have done the diligence, but be skeptical and ask repeatedly if it could be cancer, earlier detection is key. Hers likely had been growing for well over a year undetected.
3. MAKE sure your loved one is not left alone. Mistakes are made, and having family there tends to keep the staff focused.
4. Hospice workers are incredible. They are there for both the living and the dying, lean on them. LEAN ON THEM........
5. And possibly the most important, know your loved one's wishes before you are in the situation.

A bit about me, had you talked to my wife, she'd have told you I am outgoing, but in reality, I am quite shy. I have friends, good friends, but not any of the female persuasion who aren't spoken for. In the past I have made friends through my professional life and a few hobbies. Being a Nerd, it's hard for me to casually make friends.

Thanks for letting me rant, and am open to ideas on how to meet people, but men and women.

Rick