When or how did you ever start to “accept” a suicide loss?

My father passed away a few months ago from suicide, very unexpected and very devastating. Though I can carry on life and experience many happy moments, work, be there for my daughter I am finding myself “stuck”. I don’t want to accept this loss, he can’t really be gone. Especially this way, knowing it was suicide has made it a lot harder for me to believe it or want to let people know or even start to move forward. Any words of wisdom, advice, stories how you made it through? I know grieving never stops and I will always miss him and have a piece of my life missing. Thank you in advance!

 

K4A6,

I am very sorry for the loss of your father. I wish I could take this maddening pain of his passing away.

Losing any of our parents, no matter the reason is one of the worst things any of us will ever face in life. I think back to my father. At the time I was already taking mom to/from dialysis 3 times a week. One day after a doctors appointment I had taken dad to, he asked me to drive him to a peaceful place by our nearby lake. I did so.

When he started talking with me, his eyes showed such urgency in them. He told me he had stage 4 cancer and had less than a week to live. I was shocked, hurt, full of fear of knowing dad was about to die soon. He asked me to take care of mom which of course I said yes.

Mind you, I was married with two sons. Working part-time at the moment, and going to college for my 2nd degree. Dad passed two days later. It was one of the hardest moments in my life I could ever face.

I was standing with mom, my arm over her shoulder that day, holding her gently in my grip. The hospice nurse told us his heart was slowing down. When he took his last breath I didn’t want to believe it. The strongest man I had ever met, my damn war hero of World War 2 had passed on. Of course mom was lost. My step-brother and two sisters came we all stayed with mom that day and made sure she was taken care of.

Eventually I was the only one with her. Each day, I made sure she had Meals on Wheels delivered, her cats were fed, her trips to dialysis were done, my classes were attended, our cat was fed, my family offered what help they could, and my job was done as well. In short, time for myself was non-existent, but that is what life presents you with sometimes.

K4A6, all I was doing telling you this is I have seen my dad leave, and all that new life presented was hard to face some days. You and your daughter must face this personal hardship as best you can. I know it won’t be easy, it wasn’t for me.

I don’t know what letting others know how he passed will help. Just the fact that he is no longer with you is enough. I know it will be hard to face some days. It is always harder with children as well. I know my sons missed their grandfather. But we all had to help each other.

K4A6, this is the most serious part of loss. I let myself, my situation get the better part of me. I tried to be superman, doing everything like I didn’t need help. So with this loss of father, coupled with the responsibility of mom, and all else I fell victim to depression and had to be treated for it. I am sure all the losses in my past, and military ones as well just became too much for me to face anymore.

K4A6, I will implore you, ask for help from others. Never believe you have to face these times alone. Reach out to family, friends, professional help, like a priest, counselor, and a psychiatrist or whoever you can. Take nothing for granted. Make sure when you feel lost and hopeless you ask for guidance and help. Talk with us as well. We have seen so much in our lives, we have shed an ocean of tears, so you are not alone in how your suffering affects you.


I wish you show you a post I made of my depression, not to scare you, but to enlighten you on why you need to take precautions. https://www.griefincommon.com/threads/depression.1785/


Take care. Be safe.


-david


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