What is going on?

Discussion in 'Life After Caregiving' started by Sheila512, Jan 22, 2019.

  1. Sheila512

    Sheila512 Well-Known Member

    I lost my love over 2 years ago. We were like velcro people, never far apart and we knew it was bad to isolate ourselves, but we enjoyed out own company and never went out much with others. The first year I was numb. Going through the motions, going to work and keeping busy. As the 2nd year approached, it seemed to get harder for me to concentrate. I am over this loneliness and isolation and I literally hurt in my heart and soul. It is now just past 2 years and I feel worse. I think about him more, I cry a little more ( which I think is healthy for a release), and I am at a loss as to how to see over the edge of my life. I feel like I am at the abyss...and there is nothing for me. I have a family and a sick sister and I have plenty to do bu none of it reaches my soul. I am so sick of therapy and doctors. Doctors just want to increase anti-depressant meds and therapy , one one one, has never helped me. Maybe I need to find a group. When I used to go to support groups for Parkinsons, I invariable left feeling worse than when I came in. Peers who have suffered losses are maudlin and I fear that will be me, soon. Any suggestions to help me all myself out of this would be appreciated. Yes, there are thins I like to do...I used to sing in a chorus, even dancing, but I have not gotten up the nerve yet. I would rather sit with my dog be unavailable. Sounds like depression to me. I believe must depression is situational and I need to get myself into a different situation.

    Thanks for any suggestions.

  2. Cheri

    Cheri New Member

    Hi Sheila,
    I'm sorry for the pain you are going through. I'm not an expert but it does sound like depression. Medication can help but it takes a lot of work to dig ourselves out of the hole.

    My husband and I were much like you and yours. We truly liked each other's company and tended to isolate ourselves somewhat. When he passed after months of intense caregiving on my part, I drifted for quite some time. I knew that he wanted me to go on living and loving though, so I pushed myself to try to engage in life as a way to honor him. I call it finding my new normal, and I find I have to step out of my comfort zone to work on that. My brain knows that I would be quite capable of hibernating, my heart knows that there is more to life, and my soul feels him watching over me.

    I'm not one to offer out right advice but what seems to be working for me is to engage in activities even when I'm not sure I can. Courage is not the lack of fear, but rather trying things even when we feel we don't quite have the nerve for it yet.

    I understand the tears and feelings of loss months, even years, after the fact. What I struggled with most was finding my purpose in life until I came to believe that, for now, my purpose is solely to be me and be present and show up for life, whatever it has to offer.

    I wish you comfort and healing as you strive to find your new normal.
    JoNas, KB3 and griefic like this.
  3. Sheila512

    Sheila512 Well-Known Member

    Dear Cheri...Your comment about finding purpose really hit me. My purpose is to be me, be present and show up. I am still working part time and I truly look forward to it. I fell like I take one step forward and cry myself back a few. I know it will get better, but also that life has a way of knocking your down when you are trying to get up. I am facing watching my sister succumb to cancer and that terrifies me more than waking up each day. I don't think I can do this again, so soon, That's ridiculous..of course I can. I can face anything. I have always been able to face the hard stuff. Thanks, Cheri, for waking me up to the possibilities. ...that there could be a new normal. Sheila
  4. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Thanks so much to you both, for sharing your stories, your honesty and your courage. I appreciate the support you are offering each other and the reminder of the strength that it's inside all of us. I wish you both the best~