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Warriors

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by tgotyall, Jun 23, 2022.

  1. tgotyall

    tgotyall Active Member

    It’s been a while since I’ve looked at the site. I see the heartbreak, actually I feel the heartbreak and the pain and you wonder will it ever subside going away completely I have my doubts. I feel for all of you I know none of us ever thought we’d be here talking about the loss of the love of our life. It is now almost 2 years and five months since I lost my Gina, and right now I am sitting in my living room getting ready to go see my daughter in Colorado. It is bittersweet for my wife loved and went there many times while I was working so she could seeOur grandkids. This is what we worked for for saved for to do in our retiring years which we never got to do. I always wonder how others are doing after the two year mark I find that it goes by pretty quick and in truth what everybody said after the first year you are just cried out. Now it’s just like living but just going through the motions this crap is so hard. traveling without her, man she did everything all I had to do was make sure that I have my wallet that’s just how she was took care of always getting ready. I miss her every day I guess that never ends and have no clue what the future holds. I say this to everyone this is the price we pay for love be strong and very courageous.
     
    Sweetcole, 1guy, cjpines and 4 others like this.
  2. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    So glad you came on the site and are giving us an update. Your words, this is the price we pay for the wonderful love we experienced is so true. I say that all the time. I’m at 3 1/2 yrs. I miss Ron every day and believe I always will. I go through each day but not loving each day. The memories can bring smiles but also tears. Not like it used to be, which was constant crying. I live for my dachshund which was a gift from Ron and for my kids. I see my daughter often she lives 15-20 minutes away. My son is in Florida an we visit him as much as we can. And he comes to visit when he can. Just like you’re saying, traveling to visit our children without our spouse just feels wrong. My first Trip to visit my son was very difficult. Staying in their spare bedroom without Ron was miserable. I cried all night it’s gotten some easier when I visit him now though. Just like you’re mentioning, we saved to have a wonderful retirement of traveling. That never happened. Life got harder and although I feel stronger in some ways. I miss the happy loving my life person I was and miss my soulmate every day. But I honor Ron every day and keep going because that’s what Ron would want. Your Gina would want that too. Have a safe trip. Gina wants you to enjoy your daughter and grandchildren. She’s with you, she’s in your heart to stay. Wishing you peace and strength, Robin
     
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  3. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

     
  4. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Patti, as I told Karen, who asked TGW
    about the afterlife, I'm a believer. I have a
    friend in his 60s, who had a near death
    experience in his 20s. He was in a car
    crash,ending up in the ER. He could feel
    his spirit rise above the heads of the
    surgeons, & could read their minds.
    Later, the doctors said he was accurate.
    He ascended on a tunnel toward a light.
    where he could feel the presence of spirits
    of people he knew. Then , a voice asked
    if he were "ready" & he snapped out of
    it. He heard the message that LOVE is the
    meaning of life. He is the calmest person I
    know. Lou
     
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  5. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Tom, so glad you joined us again. I see that
    our friends, Patti and Robin, already
    welcomed you back. Another friend, Deb,
    says that our lives will forever be bittersweet, bc our soulmates are no longer
    with us physically. Unlike you and some of
    the widows, Linda & I had no children. We
    met in our mid 40s, & were married 25 yrs.
    I've had to seek out people, with whom to
    talk, and even, to share a laugh. I plan on
    staying on GIC indefinitely. I've made
    close friends here, since I joined in July.
    2021. Lou
     
    Rose69, cjpines and Patti 61 like this.
  6. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Patti, I'm so glad that my story about my
    friend's glimpse of the afterlife, brought
    back a memory of your incredible
    childbirth experience. How terrifying,
    and miraculous, that was for you. You
    are one of the bravest, most spiritual GW
    on GIC, and it's a pleasure to know you.
    Lou
     
  7. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Patti, your testimony gave me goose bumps. God spared you. K
     
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  8. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Tgotyall, this is Karen It's been 19 months now since Jack died. He was 81 and had been retired for quite sometime so at least we were able to enjoy some retirement years. He became ill about 8 months before he was diagnosed then within the year he was gone. We were married 39 years. I can't say after the first year is gets easier just a different kind of pain and grief. I do believe in the afterlife which seems to be proven by people who have had near death experiences. So, it gives me peace that we ascend in a tunnel of light and then to move to into our after life. Keep the faith, K
     
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  9. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    It was nice of you to check in and give an update. I don't think that the pain will go completely away. I just feel that we get stronger to deal with the hand life has dealt us. Its been 2 years since I lost my Gant too. It still feel.like a bad dream sometimes. Im glad you're going to visit your daughter. I hope you have as nice of a trip as you can. I definitely understand it being bittersweet. Everytime I do something with our kids I think about how I wouldn't be doing it by myself if Gant was here. It feels weird making plans without him. Going through the motions explains my day to day. I pray that you continue to get strong with each passing day.
     
    Patti 61, Van Gogh, RLC and 1 other person like this.
  10. Rose69

    Rose69 Well-Known Member

    Hello tgotyall, so sorry for your loss. You describe your beloved wife so lovingly, it really touched my heart. I joined this site recently and have found such a great family here where I can let go of all my feelings and thoughts, saying anything I want, knowing everyone will understand because we are all unfortunately going through the same journey. My C was suddenly and unexpectedly torn away from me and my two grown-up children, to a cardiac arrest, right in front of us. That 'image' is constantly in my mind, will live with me and torment me forever. It's been 19 months now but for me it was yesterday, still living in shock and disbelief.
    Take care, wishing you peace and comfort.
    Rose.
     
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  11. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Like Karen, I got goose bumps. Can't thank you enough for sharing.
     
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  12. Rose69

    Rose69 Well-Known Member

    Patti, your vivid description of this experience is so moving, so sorry for the pain you must have gone through, like you say, a miraculous healing.
    Take care
    Rose.
     
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  13. Rose69

    Rose69 Well-Known Member

    Hi Sweetcole and RLC, it's early morning here. Having seen you both on line and wondering it's probably late night where you live, I wanted to wish you both a good night's sleep.
    Rose
     
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  14. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Rose, it's so comforting to see you on here just now. I woke up from sad dream, at
    4am my time. Linda was talking with me.
    I touched her arm, with tears in my eyes.
    She turned toward me, and asked, "What's
    wrong?". I said, " I miss you".When I awoke, I wished I asked her how she was
    doimg. Thank you for listening, Rose. Now,
    I'm going back to sleep. Lou
     
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  15. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    Thanks for that Rose it was sweet. I hope you have a good day.
     
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  16. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    Awww! Your dream was very touching. I hope you were able to get back to sleep. Don't beat yourself up for.not asking her how's she's doing. She'll appear again. It was probably just meant for her to check on you this time. Sending a virtual hug.
     
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  17. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Nicole. Your words moved me.
    I did go back to sleep, but had other dreams in which I was hugging and
    comforting other women. Maybe that
    shows I still have love to give. But, the
    thought of having a relationship with
    another woman, is exhausting, even
    though Linda wanted that for me when
    she became ill. It chokes me up to say
    that this morning. I have been more
    emotional lately, bc I've glad to undergo
    physical therapy ( for balance issues) like
    Linda did at the end of her life. Lou
     
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  18. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    You giving comfort even in your dreams. Thats sweet! I can see another relationship being exhausting. You've had the love of your life. A new person you'd have to get know and start over. If its meant to be it'll happen. Im praying you get stronger with each passing day and that your physical therapy also continues to go well.
     
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  19. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for your kind words,
    Nicole. Despite my desire to be with
    people, I walked to a harbor I never go.
    I passed by a boat called "Serenity Now",
    which reminded me of the TV show,
    Seinfeld, which Linda & I laughed at
    together. In one episode, Jerry 's
    angry father runs through his house,
    screaming "SERENITY NOW!!!" ,Lou



    .
     
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  20. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Thank you Rose. Yes it was 1:25 am or around there. Thank you! So nice of you! I did eventually get to sleep. As you know sleep comes hard. Robin
     
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