Valentine is Dead!

tomorrow is the day Valerie and I celebrated V-tines day... She called the 14th "Commoners Day" in her inimitable misanthropick way. One year ago was our last Valentine's... We did it our own way no fancy-Butt dinner and flowers. In 1987 she made me homeMade spaghetti and heart shaped brownies... I get past the numbness but IO can't cry anymore. I feel so blocked up and full of hurt still. She was so sick and in pain. She wore a bright pink hoodie and looked so cute. I kept hugging her... She was dead in 7 daze! F Cancer, man!
Just F it all! I keep trying to go on. It is HARD!

 

You were right there with Valerie when it happened George. You did the best anyone could have done. You went the long haul. The extra miles. The Buddhist believe death is one of the most important parts of life because of the transfer of karma to another human being. Cheryl’s death march was swift. While a procedure was in progress they had Cheryl wrapped in towels and even a Turban over her head. I hoped on hope for a miracle but knew what was going to happen. I interpreted Cheryl’s attire as a cocoon that was going to morph into a beautiful butterfly. After her death I stayed with Cheryl 6 hours until security came And walked Cheryl to the elevator and said my final farewell. But Around the 2-3 hour mark a profound transformation of Cheryl’s facial expression changed. Instead of looking dead tired Cheryl’s face had the half smile of Vishnu. Cheryl looked like she had achieved nirvana. What happened? Something divine or an internal transformation took place. I think Cheryl’s karma went into the fetus of her niece Courtney who had a healthy baby. The pink hoodie and the red hearts scattered around the house is no coincidence. We will never stop loving them. I love you Bro. Gary

 

Oh, my God, Gary, that is so moving that
you saw the transformation on Cheryl's
face. Everyone is different. When Linda
was dead on arrival at the ER, a social
worker wanted to know if I wanted to
see her one last time. I shook my head.
I'd rather remember the last time I
heard her voice, in the rehab unit. I have
no regrets. I listened to my gut. In
Jonathan's book, he said that he regrets
that he did see Joy's face after she died.
To quote our friend, Deb, no matter what
you do, we can't bring our soulmates
back-- physically---and it SUCKS BIG
TIME!!! Lou ok

 

I agree it is hard. This will be my first vday without Lizzy. We tried the fancy typical dates a few times but would rather just spend the night at home with a fire. My birthday also falls on the 14th, she always made it special. I really miss her.

-Chad

 

So sorry, Chad. Having your birthday on
Valentine's Day, makes it doubly hard in
your mourning for Lizzy. I took part in
a widowed persons group ( all older
women). One day, right before 2/14, I
asked them how they coped with that
romantic holiday. They said they ignored it,
and it was just one day. I've followed their
advice, & it works for me, Hope it can
work for you. Lou

 

Sorry my comment got connected to your quote accidentally just click it and you'll see my response.

 

I'm sorry for your loss! Doing things your own way is what makes it so special and unforgettable. Grief is definitely a process and everyone goes through it in their own way. It's hard living without a part of you but take deep breaths. Do things she'd want you to do. I pray for your strength as each day passes.

 

George, but of all the Valentines you remember the most memorable one, homemade spaghetti and heart shaped brownies. Sometimes it hurts to remember and hopefully, in time, we all can remember memories with a smile. Looking forward to it aren't you?

 

Karen,I agree. My best memory was
Valentine's Day dinner, in a quiet
booth,in our favorite restaurant. Linda &
I decided to go on the spur of the moment.
We were lucky that we didn't need
reservations. It was before Linda got
sick. She died later that year, right before
Thanksgiving. This year, unlike past years,
I am remembering THAT night, instead of
the sadness later. I am recalling other
serene, romantic moments, as well. Lou

 

I really don't know... my head's a mess today. But thank you for the support!

 

I miss my wife again and again!

 

It has been hard again lately... Thanks for the Prayers!

 

I hurt!

 

Thank you! I am pretty messed up today...

 

George,
It’s Saturday, two days before valentines, I think you get a pass on messed up, hurt, missing her feelings <3
(Actually, you can have that any damned day you please, guess I just didn’t want you to feel badly) You’re doing great at grieving… stellar.
~B
Hope that doesn’t sound sarcastic, didn’t mean for it to.

 

My Cheerful Cheryl loved flowers. So I would buy 3 different groups of them at Krogers. Cheryl would make her own arrangements. Usually there were flowers left over and Cheryl would make a bouquet for Mom. We went out to eat the day before Valentines Day to beat the crowd. And probably a movie before covid. And of course we exchanged cards. Cheryl kept all of our cards in a folder. I haven’t had the courage to look at them yet. Cheryl liked to go for a walks at nature preserves and public land during covid. George take Sweetcole’s advice and find a quite room and sit down and relax. Put on soft music or sit in the silence. Breath in and hold a second then breath out and hold a second before inhaling again. Try to get a rhythm. Don’t try to control your thoughts until you relax more. If it feels right go back in time to when you first met Valerie. Try to think of some of your best memories together. When you feel at ease rock your head back while looking up. Imagine Valerie looking down at you. Kiss the air and imagine a loving connection with Valerie. After you feel you have honored Valerie sit up in your chair and relax. Do some more breathing and remember those good memories. Remember you have just honored Valerie. To survive our grief we have to use our imagination. Your truck has just arrived. Gary

 

Gary, everyone is different. Although I
saved our wedding pictures, of course,
I threw out all our greeting cards, all
funny ones, bc they made me weep. I
don't regret doing that for one minute.


I forgot to reply to your moving post,
where you saw the transformation to
serenity on Cheryl's face, after she died.
My situation was very different. Linda
& I were talking to each other after she
collapsed in her room in the rehab unit.
I ran to get help. Then the rescue squad
sped to her room. Her favorite nurse,
also in her late 60s,walked over to me
to tell me Linda had no pulse,but they
were trying to revive her. I was sobbing
uncontrollably, bc I knew it was over.
I followed her ambulance in another
one as our sirens wailed, speeding to the
ER. A doctor came to tell me something I
already knew. Linda was dead on arrival.
A social worker asked if I wanted to see
her one last time, & I said no, bc I felt
her soul had left her body. As traumatic
as our last moments together were, we
were talking. In Jonathan's book, he
REGRETS that he saw Joy's face after her
death. I'm sorry I didn't reply to you
sooner, Gary. Lou

 

Thanks for the supportive words!!!!