Two catastrophic losses in six months

Discussion in 'Finding it Difficult to Move Foward' started by Hammie, Feb 9, 2021.

  1. Hammie

    Hammie New Member

    In February of 2015, I lost my spouse of 34 years to esophageal cancer. Six months later, on August 20, 2015 I lost my youngest daughter (28) to an accidental overdose. This complicated grief is consuming me. I have an older daughter and 3 grandchildren. It's still not enough. I don't know what to do anymore.
  2. Sheila512

    Sheila512 Well-Known Member

    Hammie...your story is heartbreaking. A double whammy is near impossible to recover from. Think about all of the positives you learned from loving your spouse of 34 years. Think about the joy your daughter brought you. No one can take those thing from you. It is so difficult to console when we re all hurting so much ourselves...but let people in if they want to be in your life. Don't isolate and I shut wish I could take my own advice. I tend to isolate because I think I am a downer to be around but if others want my company, I need to let them in. The sadness is pervasive and I won't tell you it will get better. It may never get better bu you have to learn to live knowing how much you loved those ni your life, but most especially, you must know that they knew the love you felt for them. This will give you some tiny peace.

    Be safe
  3. G-ma

    G-ma Member

  4. G-ma

    G-ma Member

    Hello Hammie,. When I came across your post I read it and thought how much it sounds like mine. So very sorry for the pain that you have to deal with every day. I know that pain, I have felt it every day for 6 years. Lost my loving husband and sweet daughter in 2015 also. He had a pulmonary embolism and she committed suicide 9 months after. I truly know what you're going through. I've been told That we suffer from Complicated grief. It will take longer to see a light at the end of the tunnel but I believe that we can get there. You don't need to put a time on it just go at the speed you want to and before you know it you'll start to realize that some things are easier to deal with. Take care.
  5. MoonandBack

    MoonandBack New Member

    I am so sorry for the loss that you have both suffered. It is difficult to lose any one love in life and especially hard when there are multiples.

    Mine all started with the death of my mom in 2014. Diagnosed with brain cancer and died 7 weeks later. My dad died in 2017 after a long struggle with COPD. My aunt who was more a sister and her husband died together in a car accident in 2018. All of these deaths occurred during my husband's 4 year battle with stage 4 prostate cancer. He died at age 57 in April 2019. 2 months after that my aunt/bonus mom died and a year later my only remaining uncle died. It has been a particularly difficult time for me since all of us were very close. I was the executor of most of the estates which has made it very intense.

    Now I find myself needing my husband here with me. He was my love, my partner, best friend, confidante, and my fierce protector. I would not lean on him during these losses knowing how difficult it was for him having a terminal disease. His loss has been the absolute worst time in my life. I keep thinking that after 2 years now I should be moving forward. Some days I feel that I am. Then there are those times when I feel like I am back where I started.

    I am a young 59 year old. I don't look or feel my age. I have many years ahead of me. They should not be filled with pain and sadness. How do I get there? What are the steps I need to take that I haven't already? If only there were a map with an X marking the spot!