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Trying to keep it together

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by Cece, Jun 13, 2018.

  1. Cece

    Cece New Member

    I grew up without a father so it was always just me and my mom. She was always sick with a rare disease but she was getting through it and always so strong with me. At the end of her life she started to lose her mind as well. We didnt speak the past couple months because it was always so toxic. My aunt hadnt heard from her for a few days and called the cops to check on her. So on Monday I got a phone call that my mother had passed away. they estimate her body was probably there for a week. I cant sleep and all I do is break down and cry. A big part of me knows this is my fault. I should have just dealt with it and tried harder to be there for her. I shouldnt have left knowing she was sick. My mother died alone because of me. I cant stop thinking she might still be alive if I was there.

    Ive been trying to be strong and cry in private. Just until I finish all the plans for her funeral. It doesnt even feel real sometimes until I want to call my mom to vent about how stressful things are and ask her what kind of flowers she wants.

    Im an only child, 24 and just so alone. If anyone relates please message me.