Too soon to sort through mom’s things?

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by novaxx, Feb 12, 2022.

  1. novaxx

    novaxx New Member

    My mother died a week ago, and I’ve been in and out of feeling it. I asked my step-dad today if he had any plans on what we were going to do with her things and he broke down. I didn’t mean to upset him and I feel terrible about it because her death is recent. Should I have waited to ask longer? And is a week an appropriate time to even think about sorting her things?
  2. Countess Joy

    Countess Joy Well-Known Member

    My partner of 23 years died in November.
    I understand feeling bad. Just know that there’s no right or wrong time for any emotion or activity in grief. It all just moves or stands still for as long as it takes. It may depend on the cause or timing of the death. And everyone’s definition of what’s important or sentimental can be really unique. Maybe reflect, and share with him where your question came from. Is your question about something you would like, or that you’re extending an offer to help when he’s ready so he doesn’t have to do it alone, that you’re worried he might have different ideas of which things are ‘important’ etc….
    Some things I took care of right away. Gave some winter jackets away where they were needed, that kind of thing. It’s been 3 months and there are things I put away for later and there are things I may not ever be able sort through. I’m not overly sentimental and Kenn was in hospice so we had gone through many things already but I was surprised at how possessive I got around things we had planned to give away to specific people. I am not ready to let them go.
    Let your step-dad know you feel bad, tell him what your thoughts are and maybe ask him when he would like you to check in about her things. One week is soon. Be gentle with yourself, there’s nothing wrong with your question or timing it just didn’t happen to line up with his.