Ok so I'm on here because I lost my Wife of 34 years in February, (almost 8 months now) She was sick with diagnosed LipoSarcoma for 2 years June-2019-Fed 2021 Approx. She was sick before this. I think she had this disease much longer back to 2008. Her death has brought up all my other losses and things I'm grieving. Starting with my father to Cancer when I was 6. Now I know about PTSD. They didn't much in 1972! My childhood was miserable. With a clueless doughy mother and mean spirited schoolyard "chums". Both grandparents on Fathers side along with an Uncle and Aunt soon followed in my kid years. Then my other (last grandmother) My mother had Kidney disease and she didn't stop eating potatoes and stuff you shouldn't eat with bad kidneys. She died next to me on the passenger seat suddenly in 2001... My wife's death was preceded by her mothers stroke and death in 2009-2010... There are others. Then I grieve for my old self. An interested inquisitive naively hopeful dude... full of good energy and cheer. I lost that person in the missing ten years between 2008-2018... Where is my old fire and Spirit! Besides my wife the biggest pain I reLive loosing my career and life as an educator. I had kidney disease so UltramegaBad that I lost both kidneys. I couldn't keep working in the corporatized field that teaching has turned into... (Thanks Billy GF!) In the Sanlofer book JS goes on about how he's still doing stuff like work to help him get thru. What if you Do not have work... or friends or colleagues. What if itz just you... and you don't like anything anymore. You actually hate or dislike almost everything. You hate TeeVee, aren't into Moovees... can't read like you used to and need to move out of your house. Don't have anywhere to go or people to see. Just deal with Stress and hassle every waking hour. What if there's no friends and family. My best friend was my wife. She is gone. The world is crazy (I also grieve for the world!) Everything is so F-ing Hard!