My dad passed away last Friday ( Jan 28th) due to mantle cell lymphoma. He got diagnosed late October/beginning of November and the cancer took him fast. He was 86 years old and had many complications in the end due to his illness. People say "oh he lived a long life", "it was his time", "he didn´t suffer much" and things like that. I understand they´re trying to put things into perspective, but to me it was never a good time to loose him. There are moments where I´m fine, but today I cannot. My sisters are taking his clothes out of the closet and I just can´t be there helping them. I´ve tried being "strong" for my mom and for the most part I´ve succeeded, but today I can´t. I don´t even know what I feel, I just can´t. I just know I am now forever going to feel a dad shaped void. Maybe tomorrow I can look on the bright side and find silver linings, but today I can´t.
I know. It's not the same anymore. And I don't know how it happened so fast. My dad hadn't been feeling well in July and August of last year, and my mom did tell me that they had been going to the doctor. They did different tests and then in the beginning of September, he started to have fluid in his lungs, and the doctors told him to go to the emergency room. While he was in the hospital, the doctors called me and said to come because he only had a short time to live. I didn't know what they were talking about because I just was on the phone with him not too long ago. I went to the hospital and he was already in hospice from small cell long carcinoma. I only had it a few days with him but he was able to come home for a couple days too. I was the last person with him I was the last person with him when he passed. Those couple of days at home were horrible and I don't understand how everything happens so fast. He was going to be 77 years old on September 24th and he died on September 19th. I don't understand how what happened so fast and he was my best friend. I'm really at a loss.
Roo, my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for your loss. It's never a good time to lose anyone we love. I have been getting ready for my mother's death ever since I was 13. She had WPW, a rare heart condition where the people that suffer from it don't survive as long as my mother did. She died Jan. 7th at the age of 74. She had been living on borrowed time and she always said so. The day I took her things out of the closet my daughters and I cried. We said what needed to say and then we calmed down. It's okay to feel everything you're feeling. It will pass. I don't know when but I do know it will pass. I have good days and bad days, but I know that everything will be alright because that is what I want for my life. I don't want to drown in sorrow. I don't want to be angry and I certainly don't want grieve for the rest of my life. Grieving is different for everyone. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Give yourself permission to feel all your feelings and if you need help seek out a psychologist. People here are also a great comfort. We are all going through the same thing. Loss. I am here for you. We are all here for you. If you need anything, reach out and I will always support you. I hope you have a better day today. Moon
I am so sorry for your loss. There never seems to be enough time, is there? Although we know their bodies aren´t the strongest anymore we cling to the hope of having our loved ones with us a little longer. I understand and relate to what you´re going through. As Moon said below my post, we are all here for you.
Thank you so much for your words and I am sorry for your loss as well. We all grieve together and share our personal stories and that somehow helps to digest it better, to know that you´re not the only one working through this process. I am seeing a therapist and I believe it helps me organize my very messy thoughts at the moment. I hope you are well and I admire your optimism and ability to look forward.
Grief, unfortunately is a part of life and I learned that at a young age. It does help to know that you are not the only one going through something so hard and so heart wrenching. Messy thoughts come with grief, any type of grief. I'm glad that you are seeing a therapist. I am getting ready to go see mine. I just keep rescheduling due to unexpected things that pop up in my life. Know that you are not alone and that I will always be here for you and anyone that needs to talk. Take care and I hope that you are doing better.
