Three Weeks...

Discussion in 'Dealing With Multiple Losses' started by Jess, Jan 12, 2017.

  1. Jess

    Jess New Member

    A year and a half ago, I lost my grandma, my job of three years, and my mother-in-law all in three weeks. When my mind goes there, I just start repeating "three weeks, three weeks, three weeks". It's been hard because when I start to mourn one loss, the memories of the others start to crowd in. That includes the loss of my dad when I was six years old. And then it feels like too much. I force my mind and emotions to turn away; away from the pain and sadness. There are times that I can't get past the darkness, especially at holidays and birthdays. The first Christmas after was the worst...

    I lost such a huge part of my support system. I don't create bonds easily, and I still feel like I'm floating through life. I can't believe it's almost two years...
    HollyTreksMom likes this.
  2. ConnieB

    ConnieB New Member

    I can relate Jess. Lost my mother 4 years ago, my daughter 2 yrs., and my husband 7 months ago. Now when someone passes, it opens my old wounds the mourning grows. Not sure who you believe in, but our Lord Jesus Christ cradles us in his palm of his hand when we believe in the hope of eternal life through Him. Take care and prayers said for you.
  3. Lynne Joyce

    Lynne Joyce Member

    Three weeks - how coincidental. My two much loved dogs died within five days of each other then two weeks after that my husband of 22 years died, the three loves of my life all died within three weeks. With their deaths I lost the entire structure of my life and just before my husband died wrote this -

    Shapeless Days

    The days have lost their purpose,
    Their structure and their form
    Since I lost the elements
    That together were the norm.

    I used to have a husband
    We planned the days together,
    We prioritised commitments,
    Work, duty and pleasure.

    I used to have companion dogs,
    They had fixed routines
    And so I used to shape my day,
    Around canine Kings and Queens.

    My husband’s in a nursing home
    Dying as we speak,
    My much belovéd canines
    Died in the same week.

    My days have lost their purpose,
    So each and every morning
    I wonder what the day will bring
    Other than grief and mourning.

    Lynne Joyce 06.08.2017 (two weeks before Garrath died).
  4. Sara K Hatch

    Sara K Hatch Well-Known Member

    Hi Jess,
    I understand a bit about what you are going through. My brother-in-law passed away in March 2017. My husband passed away in Dec. of 2017. My niece's husband w passed away about 3 months ago. They were all close to me because we all lived in the same town. Now my twin sister's husband is critical and there is little hope that he will ever recover. I was with these 3 men on the day they died.
    I believe that it is imperative that you try to reach out as much as you are able to others. Is there a grief support group that you can attend? I went to a group like this for six weeks and it really helped. I also went to a behavioral health center and am working with a nurse practitioner to get the right kind and amount of antidepressents to help me with depression. I take it one day at a time. And I force myself to get out of the house and interact with others as often as I am able. Some days I isolate but I try to plan ahead to be a social being. I think we need other people even if it's for short periods and not too often.
    Bless your heart. I hope things get better for you and that this site is helpful.
    griefic likes this.
  5. SiobhanG

    SiobhanG Member

    Hi Jess..I don't know what words of wisdom to offer..I lost my Mom whom I was very close to, suddenly in May 2017, less than two months after that I lost my best friend that I had known all my life also suddenly and then within 3 months lost another close friend suddenly..It was really all I could take. I understand when you say you lost a huge support system...my mom and my two friends were people I talked with every day... prior to all of these deaths that just kept coming I suffer from depression and it seemed I was just losing everyone at the same time. It was and relatively still is a dark time...and consider myself still "floating through" life after all of these sudden multiple losses..I just want to say I understand. Sometimes we find out through great loss who will be there for us and who won't. I wasn't able to find a grief group but I did get back into therapy to help me.. I hope you have others around you that are supportive when you can share your losses. I hope too maybe you can find other avenues of help like a grief group or maybe a therapist/ grief counselor to help you travel through this very hard experience..I hope things will get better for you.
  6. HollyTreksMom

    HollyTreksMom New Member

    Whew! It’s a whirlwind of devastation. Lost my grandma (who raised me) 3 yrs ago, my ex (deceased son’s father) 1 yr ago, my uncle 1 yr ago, my son 10 months ago (tragically) and his 16-yr old cat, my mother (not deceased but cut me out of her life), and another uncle. Once I begin to process through one - bam! Then my beloved son - the pain is unbearable.
  7. Sara K Hatch

    Sara K Hatch Well-Known Member

    Dearest Holly,
    I can truly understand how devastated you are. There has been such great loss in your life. Can you talk about your son and how he died? Was he ill or did he die suddenly? One of the great comforts for me was believing that the loss is not forever and that we WILL be united again in a different place or space then this one. I do have many moments that I don't want to go on. And ask over and over WHY?Why?WhY?
    I am forcing myself to get out of my house to be with others even for just a little while. When I feel overwhelmed I excuse myself and go home. Grief takes time and being gentle with yourself. Are you able to get some help in a support group or therapist or good friend to talk to.
    My heart goes out to you.
    griefic likes this.
  8. HollyTreksMom

    HollyTreksMom New Member

    Sara - thank you! I agree and definitely view the world differently. Yep - I am getting lots of support and in the case of my son I go to a parents support group. It was sudden and unexpected. there is a lot of trauma associated with loss, but when it is totally unexpected...wow! We all need to know where support exists for our pain.
    griefic likes this.
  9. Sara K Hatch

    Sara K Hatch Well-Known Member

    Hi Holly,
    I can see why a sudden and unexpected death is so traumatic. There is no preparation! Just shock and disbelief, I expect.
    Even though my husband had been ill for 7 years with Parkinson's and he was in hospice when he passed with us right by his side, that last breath was so shattering! It took me weeks to feel anything. I couldn't think straight or concentrate. I did not take care of my health and ended up in the hospital with internal bleeding. I'm sure that therapy right after he had passed would have been very useful.
    It has taken me months to fully recover but by some miracle I have and at the moment I feel extremely blessed for all that I have including my health. I also feel that my husband is my guardian angel and is watching over me always.
    It seems to take time to process our grief and there is no time limit as far as I know. I think the pain will ease as you work through your feelings.
    much good luck on your path.