The unexpected passing of my older brother

August 14, 2023 is the first day my nightmare began, my mom waking me up at 4:40 AM to tell me my brother was in emergency surgery and it's serious! My heart automatically dropped and at that moment was the beginning of my heart breaking. My mom let me know he had a tear in his aorta all the way down. I got ready and was supposed to go work but on my way I decided to go wait with my sister in law and niece in surgery waiting room. There was no way I could do my job and not concentrate on my patients the way they deserve while my mind on my brother and his chest cracked open. I hauled butt to surgery as soon as I walked into the hospital where I began my medical career in the exact operating room my brother was fighting for his life. I knew the nurses, scrub nurses, anesthesiologist working with the cardiothoracic surgeon performing emergency heart surgery on mybrother. They all promised me they would take care of him and not let anything happen to him. My brother made it out of 19 hour surgery, he came out intubated and on a ventilator with lines all on him. After my brother only being out of surgery not even one-hour they rushed him back into surgery due to a massive bleed. He was in surgery for 3 hours and notified us that no bleed could be found. I've been a Respiratory Therapist for 13 years and prior I was a anesthesia tech in the operating room for 4 years I knew what labs, scans etc needed to be done post operatively. I asked when my brother would be getting a scan to make.sure no blood clots and they reassured me within 30 mins. The next day I decided to go work but just for half the day, that's when my mom called me to let me know my dad was on his way to pick me up my brother was being air lifted to another hospital he had a blood clot in his brain and needed to be removed immediately. My parents did not want me driving upset. My dad picked me up and as soon as we arrived at the hospital they were airlifting my brother, as I got out of the car I heard the helicopter and I knew in my heart of was my brother. I remember running to the helipad and my uncle and aunt were waiting there and as soon as they opened the door to the helicopter and saw it was my brother I collapsed and could not stop crying. I wanted to go help my only brother and I couldn't I felt helpless. I could hear the alarms of the ventilator going off and I wanted to go help him. I yelled help my brother please. While they wheeled him into the hospital my sister in law received a call and I knew by her face and emotions it was bad news. He has suffered a major stroke. Let me explain now this is where we started questioning the other hospital. He suffered the stroke over there and did not call the helicopter for 5 hours when it should have been called immediately. Once they notified us they immediately took him back to remove the clot. 2 hours later he would arrive to ICU where I was finally able to see and talk to him. I was getting ready to leave it was late and my kids needed to get to bed. Before I left I was able to see and speak to him and while I was talking to him his eyes were moving and he began to cry his blood pressure increased and his heart rate and respiratory rate all increased while I was telling my brother how much I loved him and his much I needed him and I can't live without him. My kids needed their godfather only father like figure in their lives. The nurse told me he's listening to you, he knows it's you his little sister. The next morning August 16, 2023 I was on the phone with my best friend when my mom got the call my brother was brain dead and for us to go down to say our goodbyes before he was taken off life support. I dropped to my knees and cried my brother not my brother , why why why my brother!!! We arrived and everyone was there all family friends everybody. I felt alone and felt like no one cares hope I was feeling knowing how close we were. The moment it was time to remove.the breathing tube and remove ventilator they let me, my dad my mom sister-in-law niece and nephew be in the room. It was the hardest thing I've ever dealt with and feeling helpless. My brother was there for my first breathe, I was there for his last breathe. My heart completely shattered that night and I've been in a nightmare ever since. My loss has drastically changed my life to the point where I am uncertain of my career as a Respiratory Therapist. It's to hard still to see certain things in my career that nobody understands my pain but me. If the hospital he was first at did what was supposed to be done they would have found the clot be able to remove it immediately he would still be here. They thought covering up things and waiting to dispatch helicopter they could put blame on others instead of taking responsibility. We are now in a middle of lawsuit. I no longer work there nor will I ever work there again.

 

I am very sorry for your loss and all you have gone through and are still going through.
So much stress. Please take care of yourself. Try to get enough sleep, eat healthy, get outside and take a walk even if it is a short walk.
We care about you.
Eventually I believe it will all come down to forgiveness for your peace of mind. That is what I dealt with also. blaming myself and everyone else and everything else. If only, if only, if only... My boss said, "You know what this is all about, don't you?" He told me it was all about forgiveness and he was so right. Our circumstances can make us a stronger, better person if we can just keep a right attitude. I found the only way I could do that was to continually look to God for help.
I pray you will be able to accept whatever comes of this lawsuit. Your peace of mind depends on it.
Chris