Sudden Loss of artner/Best Friend

I'm new to this site and am having trouble connecting with people. I lost my

 

Well I messed that up, obviously I am new. My partner/best friend died suddenly on April 1, 2021 while we were on vacation, the first one since the pandemic. I'm not suicidal yet I just don't want to live. I know I'm not alone in that yet I can't seem to connect with others in my situation and I desperately need to.

 

You are not alone! Everyone here has experienced the pain of losing a very special person in their lives, someone who they loved, still love, with all their hearts. My husband died on April 11, 2021, just ten days after you lost your partner/best friend. Although my husband's death wasn't sudden, he had been sick for many years with many chronic conditions, the end of his life was very traumatic. I still have flashbacks to the night before/early morning when he died. I find that as more time goes by, I not only have flashbacks of the worst hours of my life, but also of the many beautiful ones I shared with my husband. Every memory, good or bad, triggers tears. I can't stop crying... I wish there was an off switch for my brain... Along with all this sadness and pain, I not only feel so alone/lonely, but scared too. The world can be such a frightening place without your "person," the one who loves you exactly the way you are, who understands you better than anyone else, and who would do anything in the entire world to make you happy. I find myself talking to my husband as though he was still here, especially when I have a big decision I have to make. I'm so sorry for your loss. You are not alone! We're here and want to help you get through this. Many hugs, wishing you, all of us peace... DEB321

 

This is my first day on this site, although I lost my person five years ago. Aaron was my best friend and one of my greatest loves (he would be laughing.) I had known Aaron for 15 years and over that time he filled many roles. I love that man with my whole heart and I miss him and cry for him daily, still. His death was sudden. I found him and clumsily attempted CPR, but I was too late or bad at it. I'm here hoping to make connections that will help ease this pain, guilt, loneliness, you name it.

It's nice to meet you. We should talk.

 

Here is how I have met grief in the past year.. after six months of my little brother loosing his life to suicide, my best friend of whom I had a complicated relationship with. My Aunty had been with him 10 years so he was in my life as well prior. They split but, we continued to be friends , he started to feel towards me and I told him that wasn’t okay. Due to respect for my Aunty. This was unfortunately our last conversation because minutes after I told him we needed to pump the brakes. He had overdose on fentanyl. The fentanyl he bought for me…


Fast forward 6 months, end it has hit me out of no where . I chose not to believe any of it. His death. Our argument etc. Now I can’t stop crying and resenting myself and regretting all the things I did or didn’t do. I have so many unanswered questions.


Advice of any sorts would be helpful.


Thank so much,