Sudden devastating loss of family.

On November 24, 2024 my brother Rod and his wife Anne returned from a, ‘bucket list’, three week vacation which included a two week cruise. Their flight arrived at 7am and their oldest daughter, Lisana, picked them up upon arrival. After dropping off their luggage and grabbing a cup of coffee, the three of them went to see their other daughter, Becky, graduate and receive her master’s degree. Following a lunch the three of them were finally going home and were in a single car crash when all of them were killed. I’ve never known such grief. My whole family is very close but I had a very special relationship with my brother. This loss has left Lisana’s husband a widower with two sons, ages 6 and 10, who loved their Nonna and Pepere. Their daughter Becky has lost her whole family. Rod and Anne have left numerous brothers and sisters who loved them dearly. Rod was kind of the center of our family and I feel lost. It’s been 46 days and I’m still crying every day.

 

I am so sorry for your losses, especially your brother.
You have every right to cry every day. You have suffered a sudden unexpected tragedy which came from out of nowhere. You are now going to be walking down the path of grief. Not only you but others you love will also be going down this path. It is not an easy path, as anyone who has suffered a loss of someone they love dearly, knows.
Are you sleeping well? Eating healthy foods? Try going for a short walk every day. I have had numerous people tell me this has helped them. Just take one day at a time and each day do what you are capable of. Do you have job responsibilities? How is that going?
We care about you,
Chris

 

Dorecruise, I am so sorry for your sudden and unexpected loss. It is perfectly normal to feel how you are feeling. In December of 2023, I unexpectedly lost my wife of 34 years to a pulmonary embolism. One minute she fine, then she was gone. I spent six months crying, and I am still hurting. Massive losses like you are experiencing are severely traumatic. Have you thought about reaching out to a support group? I spent a year in Grief Share (Christain based support groups) and it helped me massively. I urge you to get into group therapy such as this, it is more helpful than you can possibly imagine.

 

I am so sorry you lost your brother and his family. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be. I lost my older brother suddenly in July and I am still far from feeling better. My brother had not been in great shape, but seemed to be doing ok. I live halfway across the country from him and his family. One morning I woke up at 7:30 am to my phone ringing, and it was my sister-in-law. She never calls me, so I was afraid I knew what the call was about—something serious regarding my brother. She told me that when she woke up that morning, he had passed in the night. Between the distance, Covid and other factors, it had been over a year since I’d seen him, but we texted every day. I concentrated a lot of my energy in the early days just trying to be supportive to his daughters and wife, but now I just feel so empty and it seems everyone just thinks I must be over it. Even my darling husband, who is usually so supportive, doesn’t want to talk about my losing J. Or too much about how much he meant to me. Everyone kind of shrugs and looks away if I mention him. It’s a very lonely feeling. My siblings (I have several remaining) did not have the same relationship with him that I did, so they don’t seem to be able to help.

 

In response to Chris, I am a good sleeper but when I wake up now I can’t get back to sleep because my mind immediately goes to my brother or the accident. We still don’t know what happened and may never know.
In response to Sparky 1966, I did sign up for Grief Share but when I got in my car to go I got more depressed because it was dark out and I was going to an unfamiliar place where I didn’t know anyone. I turned around and came home. I am thinking about trying again as they have a group at my church.
I also feel helpless because most of my family live in MA/NH (my brother, Rod, lived in NH) and I live in FL. I would like to help Becky through this since she lost her whole family and now has to go through their estate and all their things by herself but I can’t. I would also like to help Rod’s son-in-law, Chris, and grandsons, Deven and Logan, who I love almost like they were my grandsons too but I can’t.
I do have one brother who lives in FL down the street from me but no one had the relationship I had with Rod so I really can’t talk about it with anyone so Mary713 I understand you feeling very lonely.

 

Dorecruise, I completely understand the feeling of wanting to help the survivors and not being able to do as much as you want. My nieces asked me to give J’s eulogy, which was tough but I did it for them and they seemed to appreciate it. I’ve just been checking in on them at least weekly to see how they are doing, and even that they seem to appreciate very much. If you aren’t already doing it, I bet Becky would really like to hear from you often and for you to share how much Rod meant to you. My brothers also live a good distance from J’s family, but they were able to contribute some help by helping organize J’s guitar collection for sale. Maybe there’s a piece of Becky’s work she could break off and you could help from a distance. Just spitballing here and I know problem solving isn’t as helpful as just empathizing, but I wanted to share some things that helped our family. Again, I’m so sorry you are having to experience such a devastating loss.

 

Dear God, This is utterly so tragic! I so hope that you are seeing a grief therapist as well as the other members of your family who have suffered this tremendous loss!
I know that his may not help, but, I know from deep in my soul that your brother, Anne and their daughter are not in any pain and are beginning a new life in a new body whether it be a spiritual body or something I cannot envision. However, you and Becky and the rest of your close family are in such pain!
Being close to each other is important! Having a clergy or rabbi, or priest who you trust and respect can listen to your angst and hopefully comfort you all. You don't know me but I pray for all of you!!

 

Thank you so much rtuckergahm. I am a Christian and have many praying for me so I covet your prayers. I do remain close to Becky and family up north through texts, emails and calls but still wish I could be with them in person. Hope to go north at the end of summer or fall. Although we can never be sure, I hope and believe my family is in heaven as I witnessed to them several times and no one can know what’s in anyone’s heart.

 

Hi Dorecruise
I am also very sorry for your loss and my condolences. Your tragedy happened on my birthday when I was in a complete disbelief and shock because of losing my life partner at the age of 43 on October 23rd. She is also from Florida, West Palm Besch.
We were living together in NYC for the past 5 years since the day we met.
I have no words to ease your pain since I am still going through the same still in disbelief.
I am truly sorry